Confidence Gone

It’s been 9 weeks since my husband died, I’ve been surviving the normal mundane things, going to work, shopping, cleaning, walking the dog.
But then it came to going to our friends sons 21st, I promised I’d go and all week I’ve been thinking I would, and then tonight I couldn’t face it and I feel bad for letting them down. Friends have asked me to go out and I have all good intentions and then don’t go.
And then I realised that I have lost my confidence.
I have been part of a couple for so long that I now don’t know how to carry on on my own.
The confident person who didn’t give a monkey about anything because she always had her best friend beside her has gone and I feel lost again.
Friends say he couldn’t of cope if I’d died, no he would struggle with being on his own, but he was such a social person his life would have carried on as people where always around him, he was what made me sociable and confident and now I feel so alone.

hi Tre
very sorry for your loss.Id say you’ve got to do what feels best for you.i lost my partner,i was always out going maybe a bit extrovert,ive no interest in going out and im not lonely I just want Jayne.i hope yo find a way to do what you think is best in the long term for you.
whats best for 1 is necessarily best for another.sorry im not really much help as I aint got any real answer,as I cant even help myself.

just also wanted say.youve come to the right place to get a little support,hopefully over the next day or 2 some of the wonderful people on here will give you some support and insight .you are certainly not on your own,there are lots of us in the same boat whose lives have been turned on its head.and understand a little about what you are going through.
regards ian

evening Tre, it is quite normal how you’re feeling. for the first few months I was exactly the same. I practically became a recluse it was only Ada my pug and Winston our daughter’s pug that made it necessary I got dressed and went out, ok at first I only went out to take them a walk, it’s only recently I have started going out with friends, I started off accepting the persistent requests from a very dear friend to meet up for a coffee and a mid-day meal or snack, now I sometimes phone her to meet up.

I wouldn’t drive any further than our local village, a mile away, or our daughters which is half a mile. I am slowly reasoning some confidence and it is predominantly time that has helped me to regain my confidence.

just go with what makes you feel more comfortable. I still cannot meet groups of people though, I’m still not that strong yet.

hope today will be an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow an improvement on today


Hi Tre, sorry you’ve found yourself here through such sad loss. I think many of us feel less confident following the death of our other halves, I know I do. It’s left me feeling quite anxious about things I used to do without blinking. I have tried to overcome this by just doing things. So far my friends have been a big help. We’ve lost our support and the one person we could depend on so your feeling are totally to be expected. I hope with time we can learn to stand on our own two feet again. Be kind to yourself x

Hi I no its the same having that hand to hold make all the difference when you’re at a party or some do with other people it’s that confidence especially when the other person is the confident social one of the partnership I have got that not at all on the to go somewhere like that on my own so I try to do other things cinema in the afternoon so Iam around other people but not with them as it were it’s difficult going out when you’re the only one on your own you feel the odd one out looking in from the outside I hate being by myself at night but it’s impossible to go out on your own at night without going to some do especially for the old ones of us. Having said that I’m going away for the weekend Iam not looking forward to it but I feel I have to go my friend book it I will make the best of it for her sake (these night are the worst so long and lonely more so now Christmas is on it’s way everyone has there own life’s and family hay ho just having a bad day) love and hugs to all

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