Please let me know how your check up goes. I care and I’m asking.
Ive been out today to our locaĺ pub. Thought I’d be ok, walked in, and walked straight out. My friend zjulie the barmaid sorted me out and all of Roger’s drinking pals took me under their wings. There were 3 of us widows ( how I hate that word!) together all in different stages of grief, me 6 weeks, Lynn just coming up to a year and Pauline 2 years, but all still grieving. It was nice in a way to share our feelings. But as you say an experience I really dont want
Hope its good news tomorrow
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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Liro
I like that being taken under their wings and sitting down with others that understand .
Goodnight and I hope you sleep well .
Thankyou wilderness
Goodnight and sleep well to you to.
Let me know how its goes tomorrow
Xx
Hi Lori. Family, friends think we are doing ok because they have no clue what it’s like to loose the love of your life, your future, your love, your intimate moments I could go on forever. But we cannot blame them as they really don’t understand this horrible grief that we were thrown into. I’m 6 months on and to be honest to the outside world which is spinning at 100 miles per hour I seem ok but I’m not. I get home from work and that’s it flood gates. I’m not me anymore and not sure if I ever will be. That spark I had for life died with my husband. Maybe one day in time we will learn to live with this. I’m told I’m doing really well, how strong I am. Yes I think follow me home and you will see how strong I am - not. We really don’t have a choice do we? We sink or swim. We have to swim and hopefully reach the other side. I wish you all the very best.
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Sorry it’s Liro it’s predictatext
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Jules 1950
I too have lost my spark . I used to be half glass full . I carry this deep sadness in me . It’s been 6 months for me to . I won’t be as I was how can I be 
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Hi @jules1950 and @wilderness
Yes exactly, people really aren’t going to understand unless they are going through this grief journey. I can’t see it getting any easier. I’m 9 weeks in now and its certainly not getting any easier for me. Maybe 9 weeks is a relatively short time, but it feels such a long time to me, so long since my life had meaning, so long since I held and was held by my love, so long since I heard him tell me he loves me…My friends and family have been very supportive but I don’t know for how long. I think some of them feel I should be “getting over it” and start getting back to normal, but that is never going to happen, normal has gone. They say its early days but its always going to be so hard. I’m never going to get over him, all I can hope for is some sort of acceptance but I can’t see that happening anytime soon. The spark has definitely gone from me and the constant crying and deep sense of loss are sometimes almost to much to bear . I do laugh and joke sometimes and almost act like I did before, but inside I’m screaming. I’m going through the motions of normality but inside I’m dying. How can we ever get back to the way we were before. Before our hearts were broken into pieces and our lives were turned upside down. When everything was ok. People ask how you are, but they don’t really want the real answer. They want to hear we’re ok , they can’t cope with our truth, our grief. They’ve not been there so they really dont have a clue.
Please take care
Liz
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Liro
This helped me and still does.
One step breathe .
It is so so early for you your loss .
Family and friends have stopped asking me how are you ?
I think it’s because unlike us life has resumed and returned to their normal they can’t keep it up they can’t keep it going . They don’t need to their grieving for some has ended.
I find this very lonely painful and it adds to my sadness.
I may change my mind on this idea as I continue to learn about my grief journey but for now it’s my logical explanation.
I’ve needed to be with people who I didn’t know that well but know the distress of loss of a life partner. I’ve got closer to them and friends/family I’ve moved away from some of them . For now . This is why I find coming onto this site helpful,
One thing I’m certain of I miss my husband terribly and feel like a second death has happened the one inside of me.We were together 42 years .
Be kind to yourself one step breathe x
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Thankyou @wilderness
Like you we were together 42 years, a second relationship for both of us, but we were the love of each others lives.
I know I’m still early on this journey, and although I shouldnt, I panic that I’ll never get over him.
So far I’ve not had anyone say “you seem better now” or “it’ll get easier with time” but I can see it coming, as you say people get on with their lives, they don’t mean you any hurt, but they don’t realise how much you’ve died inside, something you’re never going to recover from. They want to think you’re ok because they don’t know how to deal with it otherwise.
I will try your advice, one step breathe, it sounds calming, and I can do with that.
I’ve just done my first big shop since Rogers been gone. It was so hard, I didnt know what I wanted, certainly not buying for 1.
Thankyou
You take care
Liz
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Liro
Shopping is often a trigger what we used to but together what he would like and now I walk past those items with such a heavy heart.
Take care to x
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Yes , shopping still difficult… Triggers all around … like when there is a special offer on something I would have bought for him 
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Shopping is difficult, buying for one, seeing items he liked. I saw a couple today that he liked as a treat.
The first couple of times I shopped I went to a shop we didn’t use.
Then I went to one we did, the worst bit was at the checkout. It was an assistant that very often served us. We had a set routine, he would unload the shopping, I would pack the bags, he would pay. Of course, I had to do it all and it took so much longer. This was the saddest experience.
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Thank you all for understanding.
Shopping shouldnt be a trial, but everything is at the moment
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