6 months on from my sisters death and i said earlier i was confused and scared about the future given i have no family of my own and little family left.
I told my brother in law how i was feeling tonight. His initial response ill always have him. But then he told me he’s been talking to someone he thinks he’s developing feelings for. The worst thing is shes one of my best friends. My brother in law came to see the show i was putting on at my school. He didnt know his way around so i asked my friend if she could meet him cos she was coming too. She said yes and told me to pass on her mobile in case he got lost. It was only a couple of months after my sister died and he was really anxious.
A few weeks ago i found out they were chatting on and off on whatsapp. I played it off as being weird cos my worlds were colliding but tonight, just as i told him my concerns about the future, he told me he really liked her as a person but felt he had feelings for her.
And I just want to scream shes been dead for 6 months. How little does or did she matter to him that he’s doing that in less than 6 months??
I know it can hurt to watch someone appear to move on, especially if you are still struggling with the loss yourself. But everyone deals with their grief in their own way, and moves forward in their own time. Please be kind to yourself and to him, help him to move forward with your blessing even if it’s not quite how you feel inside x
Im sure you dont want him to be lonely, unloved and grieving for the rest of his life, Im sure your sister wouldnt either.
When it is ok for him to restart his life? Who knows?
Only him.
The opportunity has opened for him to do that, and he’s open to that.
That in no way changes how much he loved and misses your sister.
I’d perhaps try to be happy for him. That would make you happier for yourself.
Wow that is a lot to deal with. I can understand your feelings completely. Maybe it feels a bit like you are losing your sister even more by this happening? Because others are moving on and you suddenly find that place where you are - you are suddenly on your own and maybe even question your own grieving process? I’m guessing and maybe it’s not right to. But I can only speculate how I would feel if it was me. I lost my mum recently and my step dad is my connection with her. Without him I don’t know where I would be. If someone came into his life I would feel isolated and less important and less loved. My husband lost his wife of twenty years 18 months before I met him. And it was a complicated painful start to the relationship. The pain of his loss and sad tragedy went on for about 18 months. He could never really fully surrender to US. I don’t know but I bet it’s a complicated process for your BIL and friend. Feeling isolated since my mum went my heart looked for relief from the most excruciating pain. Maybe they have found some healing in each others company? They probably don’t know what to do about it themselves and I’m sure they won’t want to hurt you. It’s a complex situation. And I’m guessing wildy here of course because I don’t know you all personally. But I understand how hard it must be. If I was you I’d probably have to address my worst fears about the situation internally or with another friend. Maybe write it out. Reason it all out. Ask why is this ok for them to do. And why not. I’d encourage you to not panic about it. Try and focus on your own self. Your life. What makes you happy as an individual. See other or make other friends. Sending compassionate hugs. X
@Anne62 its like youre in my mind right now you are so spot on. The thing is, my friend doesnt know. He only told me last night. I think my friend is completely oblivious.
