Confused ...lonely

Hello …

I’ve not written a post for quite some time ( maybe years!) …please excuse my grammar and spelling errors I’m dyslexic ( and tired).

I’m not sure what to write…I feel I’ve got so many thoughts …none I want …I just feel a bit lost and lonely and I’m unsure why…maybe some one can relate…since the opening up again I feel that grief is hitting me more, seeing family and friends all talk about meeting up and fun holidays etc etc…I Don’t really have that and it makes me think of loved ones lost and missed that in turn makes me think of trauma distress associated with the losses .

I’ve lost 8 close family and friends in 11 years and I nursed 3 …mum intensely…mum had terminal cancer and me and mum were peas in a pod…( 5 years ago now) I’ve gone through a lot past year nearly with being in and out of hospital myself…

Sorry, I’m unsure if I’m making sense…does anyone else feel more lonely now things are more back to so called normal ? The grief and pain keeps really hitting and I’m scared of becoming very depressed again ( I hit the lowest of lows at one point ) …I keep feeling so very lonely too…it’s a horrible feeling…before this I’ve been coping well and made good progress which has been very difficult!!! …so mind feeling bit jumbled .

Love and comfort to all …as with those on this site we are all part of a club that no one wants to belong too ! …but here we all are…horrible and painful isn’t it…

I miss hugs…I’ve not had a hug since March 11th 2020 …it’s that bad I can remember the date ! My body aches for one…maybe I sound pathetic :sleepy:.

Sorry…I can ramble too…sorry, bad day xx


Hi tray I’m so sorry to hear of all the pain & loss you have been through, life can be so cruel at times why do the good ones have to go when there are so many bad people out there that do so much wrong to others, I lost my mum on July 10th this year & I too cared for her for the last 6 weeks, I miss her so much, I feel lost, angry and guilty shes not here anymore, covid has taken the so much out of people’s lives, its destroyed families, left people anxious about how or if life will ever be the same, losing a loved one is soul destroying, I don’t know how we come through it, its good to message on here as we all can relate to how we are feeling & what we are going through, it’s a long emotional journey we are on but hopefully we can help each other along, keep in touch & message when you feel you need a ear to listen & a shoulder for support, take care
Lynn x

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Hi Lynn,

Thank you so much for your reply, that means so much.

I’m so sorry about your mum…such early days for you July 10th…you must feel overwhelmed and all over atm…like you say, anger, heartbroken, pain …the list goes on doesn’t it …you feel like your just screaming inside…it’s horrible isn’t it…

I’m so sorry I’m not offering any great insights or words of comfort atm…I’m struggling to type sentences even…I’m further down the road in grief to you and my heart goes out to you…do you have good support around you…I truly hope so as it really does help…but not everyone understands do they ? That’s why here is so good because sadly we have all experienced loss or a family member terminal ill…

Grief just keeps hitting and when it does recently it’s been catching me unawares…and the silliest thing can set it off…it was a pair of curtains in Dunelm that mum would of loved! And this ornament…I just so wish mum could of seen it …got me upset and angry…as you say the nice ones can get the worst of luck …life can be very cruel and unfair…

Sorry ,I hope I’m not making you feel worse ! I’d hate to do that…maybe you can relate to the curtain incident! …the simple things in life mean the most.

The pain of missing someone is undescrible…it’s an ache like no other…hard to find respite from it…over the years I’ve learnt different coping skills etc…which I’m very grateful for but the diffcult days atm are just that very difficult…grief can be a very lonely place.

I hope you too keep reaching out here…with people that understand.

Again I’m so sorry the loss of your mum and I’m.sorry words of wisdom fail me…but I hope you are finding comfort in your days too…I know it can take deep searching…and hope , hold onto hope :pray: x

Hi tray, your words are very comforting thank you, I have two very supportive daughters, one who still lives with me and has been a rock, she is grieving in her own way for her gran so its been hard on her too, yes I can relate to the curtains as everything I do that mum would have done or liked or eaten sends me crashing down and its horrible, even going to see dad & doing things for him like cleaning or shopping sets me off because I keep thinking I should be doing it for mum too, it’s so unfair, I’ve never experienced pain like this, I feel like a lost little girl again, it’s one big emotional rollercoaster & the journey at the moment seems endless, I hope we can be a big support for each other, thinking of you
Lynn x

Hi Tray, I’m sorry to hear of the struggles and sad lose that you have had to endure. You are so right about the fact that nobody can relate to the intense pain we suffer unless they have had to deal with it too.

I lost my husband back in March of this year. Very suddenly and unexpectedly. I constantly feel like I am screaming inside. My world has shrunk beyond believe and this is mainly my doing.
When I am doing anything that suddenly reminds me of Martin I find I have to shut the thought down. It just upsets me to much as these thoughts are just a constant reminder that he’s not here.

There is no enjoyment in anything I do. Even memories don’t bring me comfort because I want so many more with him.

Does it get any easier?

Sending all the best to you

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Hi Lynn,

I’m so glad you have your two daughters who are very supportive to you…that must mean so much to you and having support really can make such a difference.

I relate to the feeling like a little girl thing, sometimes no matter our age we just want our mums dont we…and it’s a pain like no other knowing we just can’t anymore…I too like you understand that pain.

Grief I’ve accepted is there now for life…but you are very early days…if someone had told me to accept it then I think I may of swore …I don’t mean fully accept but trying to just accept that it hurts like he’ll inside 9f fighting that feeling can help a little…sorry I’m unsure if I’m making sense…very tired as not getting proper sleep atm.

Hope you find some comfort in your day…I know that’s very difficult :pray:


Hi Dee,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband Martin…and to lose him so suddenly and recently must be beyond difficult for you…I understand that screaming inside feeling…it’s so horrible and uncomfortable isn’t it…and it’s internally very loud !

Your question…Does it get any easier ? 5 words yet such big important question…I’m 5 years on with mum ( cannot believe I’m typing that ,as never thought I’d make it past 5 days,5weeks etc etc ) but here I am typing…I struggled very badly with clinical depression and anxiety and at times didn’t wanna carry on…so to be sat here typing feels quite strange…does it get better ? I think that can depend on the day ,occasion, date…time I find gives you better coping skills ,you learn new ways to deal with it …when someone says time heals…I think you never heal fully …time just gives you, just that time to cope better…to cope better at missing them…but like yesterday and today still grief can really hit and catch you unawares then the pain feels just so raw…grief is agony ! I think with time I’ve accepted and made somewhat peace with the fact that grief is gonna be by my side throughout my life now and with accepting that it brings about some feeling of control…as with loss I feel you can feel out of control with your emotions etc…grief I now know is love in disguise…and nothing in life will now how hurt me as much as losing mum.

I feel I’ve waffled that out and not really answerd your question…but my mood with grief recently has been very up and down and can change quickly…like being set off so easily at sentimental reminders…

In.the early days I couldn’t laugh at all I felt too guilty I still had life when mums was so cruellytaken…now I can laugh and mum is always with me…I’ve had to try to laugh to stay alive …grief can consume you and you can feel like you are drowning in it…especially the early days like you are…my heart truly goes pit to you as it’s horrendous!!! A pain like no other …

I’m here if you ever wanna chat…hope my rambling makes some sense…struggle to get thoughts out with being dyslexic too.

I hope you can find some comfort in your day…any little comfort…hold on to it :pray: days will turn into weeks and weeks into mths and so on…you will get there ! …but I’m not taking away from the he’ll and pain of it ! I know that can get unbearable! :pray:

Sending comfort x

Hi tray hope your doing ok, every day seems the same at the moment , but just taking one day at a time I keep hoping I will hear or see something from mum,its one thing that keeps me going, I miss her so much :pensive: some people on here have said they have dreamt about their loved ones which must be a real comfort , I would just like to know shes ok, it’s a long road we are all on, I do hope your getting through the day’s ok & enjoying the nice sunny days , look after yourself, thinking of you
Lynn xx