This is my first post, I have joined this discussion because I’m feeling very confused. My mum died 1st March after a very long period of ill health, she was 87 almost 88. My dad of almost 95 was her full time carer for the last year of her life with emotional and practical support from me. I’m confused about the way I feel, I’m not grieving in the way I expected to and certainly not in the way other people expect me to. I’m not tearful, I can talk about mum quite happily without crying, I’m not depressed or angry. I’m happy that my mum lived but also glad that she is no longer suffering the pain and indignity that marked the last year’s of her life. Have I got a shock in store for me, will I suddenly come up against grief in a big way or am I cold hearted (I don’t think I am)?
For background my mum loved me and I loved her but the last ten years were hard on all of us and our relationship throughout life has not been without its difficulties. I wonder if my grief was experienced while she was alive. I have three brothers and my closest one feels much as I do.
My husband is very supportive and listens to me talking about my mum and has listened for the last ten years bless his heart.
Has anybody any advice for me ?
Feeling relieved because your mum (and other family members) aren’t suffering any more isn’t cold hearted.
My family experienced a very similar situation to yours and although we miss our mum we all realise that it was a mercy for her to pass on.
It’s difficult to know if you have a shock coming, everyone is different, I hope that like us you will be able to remember the happy times and only feel the fondness you had for her.
Thank you Daisyrose,
It’s good to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
You’ll never be alone while you’re here with us Birdie.
Shortly after I posted here I received a card from a dear friend. It simply said “you and me” on the front with a picture of Pooh Bear holding piglets hand and looking down at him. She’d enclosed a garden voucher for me to buy something in remembrance of my mum. It made me cry it was so kind.
It’s heartwarming when a kindness like that happens, I hope all the people around you can show you similar kindnesses.