I lost my dad nearly 13 months ago. He had a transplant operation that wasn’t successful. He never woke up after the operation and we had a painful 6 days in intensive care before he passed away.
We had a lot of support around us at the time and after a couple of months things seemed to return to normal. My partner and I had been living with mum and dad since before he died and have stayed with mum. Mum and I were coping well because we both felt that dad was upstairs all the time and didn’t feel at all like he’d gone.
In January I started to face some very difficult person problems which have caused a lot of stress for me and my partner.
Since February, as we approached Dad’s anniversary, I started to become overwhelmed with a sense of loss. Dad didn’t seem to be in the house anymore and the things in my personal life were increasing my stress levels.
Since then I have been slowly going under. I’m crying a lot of the time and when I have holidays from work (I work in school) I completely fall apart.
My partner is supportive but can’t cope with my constant anxiety and grief. Mum is now also deeply grieving and we’re not managing to support each other very well.
I’m finding it so hard to face the personal problems I have and thinking about them fills me with anxiety. My dad was always such a practical support and I miss his advice so much.
I’m very confused about what the source of my anxiety is. I feel like it’s grief, compounded by personal worries and I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I’m having to make really big decisions about the future for myself and my partner but I can’t think clearly at all. I haven’t eaten properly for over a week and I’m having frequent anxiety attacks. My partner wants to help but gets very agitated when I’m upset. I’m seeing a bereavement counsellor today but I’m feeling so pessimistic about the chances of getting through this and making good decisions relating to my personal problems.