Connections between bereavement and self esteem??

Does anyone find it hard to distinguish what’s normal anxiety/depression and what’s caused by bereavement?

Find themselves attributing everything to it when it could in fact be being caused by other things (unemployment, social status, confidence etc. )

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Hi to you both, yes I totally agree with you Tillwemeetagain, before I lost my mum in July this year I classed myself as a strong person who would sort through any issues that came my way, liked my own company if i found my self in that moment but since I lost my mum I’ve found it hard to focus on things, feel lost& very sad most of the time,and have been thankful my youngest daughter still lives at home as I’m sure I wouldn’t have coped being at home on my own with my own thoughts, so I definitely know bearevement has had a massive impact on my daily life.

It’s a very good question you ask Angus. I think social status and confidence, two of the things you mention, can definitely be connected to bereavement or grief. Since the loss of my husband, I have never considered myself to be depressed; I am grieving and will grieve for the rest of my life. To say that doesn’t mean that I will be miserable for the rest of my life as some four years down the line I can know a certain happiness and contentment, but never pure joy.

I agree with @Tillwemeetagain in saying ‘how was I before my loss.’ It’s probably something which should be considered, not only by the individual but also by GPs before giving out anti depressants. I never wanted to numb my grief; I wanted to feel every moment of it; I needed to feel every moment of it. Yes it hurts, it bloody hurts but I never wanted it to end because I felt that if it ended then I would be over my man. I now know different of course. I now know that my grief will never end but that I can live alongside of it, that it is now a part of me.

@lynn2691 says she feels ‘sad most of the time’ and I can relate to that. But, can sadness be termed as depression? I think not. I also think that there is no simple answer to your question. We are all different and have different issues before and after bereavement, but thank you for provoking thought Angus.

Aftertalk published a good article along the same lines, which may be of some interest:

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I Think it’s confusing. Am I depressed or is it grieving? I know that the death of my son, Tye, twenty eight years ago changed my character massively. I resignen myself to not getting over his death, rather learning to live with it.
Now that my other son, Sam, has died I am a different person again. For me, it gets harder to connect with people as I no longer have things in common - people who haven’t suffered loss are on another planet.
I joined this Sue Ryder site today, hoping to get some tips. I appear to be alive, and it’s a little ridiculous not to get some Joy out of this thing called life.
IF I could throw my arms around my fellow grievers and catch you all I would do so in a trice. I send you all good wishes


Hi Angus, hope you are well.
When you say “find themselves attributing” who do you mean?
Yourself or others?
I agree with what TWMA says about comparing it to before your loss but for me anxiety and depression are two diffent things.
I’ve found that it has caused both after my loss but more so with anxiety.
Either way I was not feeling this way before now so I can only attribute this to the loss of my wife.
Anxiety or depression can be caused by many things I’d imagine and if things aren’t going so good for ourselves we can easily find ourselves letting our head go down in any situation.
I’m no expert on anything and my advice would be to talk to your GP or someone with more knowledge on the subject.
Hope you find your answer Angus, take care.

Of course the other side of the coin is we don’t have them to help us through this tragedy cos they are the ones gone .
I know for myself I have never felt this way ever and I have lost plenty of my family but this I will never get over .

I think like everyone says we’re you able to cope with things before this happened my answer is yes because I always had my darling by my side …

Take care everyone

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