Consumed with grief

This may sound premature because my partner is still alive, however we have just been told his cancer treatment was not successful and now inoperable

We have been together for 12.5 years. We separated 4 years ago. But in the last 18 months we reconciled. He wasn’t feeling great, but was unable to see a doctor due to lockdown and no face to face appointments. Finally in Feb this year he was seen by a doctor who referred him and he started cancer treatment pretty quickly.

I just cry every day. We have a 11 year old autistic son.
I just can’t cope with the idea of him not being here. Not being able to talk to him, see him. Miss out on our son grow up. I’m broken and just never ever imagined him not in my life, to annoy me, argue with and just hang out!!

Our son doesn’t know yet. Today he made a comment about what he will do when he becomes a teenager. I looked at my parter, all I could think of is you may not see that.

It hurts so bad. Sorry for the waffle but im consumed with grief for what will be coming. :sob:

Hello @lostandalone, I am glad you’ve found our community and I hope you find it to be a support. I am so sorry to hear of your partner’s terminal diagnosis and of the delay in him getting diagnosed. What you’re experiencing is called anticipatory grief, and it’s something many of our members have experienced. We have an article about it here which you might find helpful or comforting to read:

It can be really hard to cope with grief ourselves while supporting our children, too. I wanted to share a few resources with you which might help you when you feel ready to tell your son.

Winston’s Wish - support bereaved children and their families. You can call them on 08088 020 02 or visit their website at

There is also a guide on Autism UK for parents on helping a child through bereavement. You can read it here:

Please do think about getting some support for yourself, too. If your partner is connected to a hospital or hospice, they should be able to explain some of the options that are available.

Our community is here for you too. You are not alone - keep reaching out,

Take care