Coping being alone

Looking to the future
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Hello Everyone

Not quite 2 years since I lost mum, I been out today. I want the driving experience so decided to push myself on a new route. Had a drink in a pub only 1, a child ran up to me obviously trying to interact with me. Never had children so didn’t know how to interact. Lots of BFs and GFs and family’s there.

How are you dealing with life on your own ? sitting in pubs on your own ? going to cafes on your own ? I think people stereotype now more then ever. A guy on his own, strange man, Billy no mates ,? the drive wasn’t too bad though.

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It’s a brave thing to do Keith.
Takes a lot of courage, so you should be proud of yourself for getting out.
Its not easy though, is it?
I go out alone but I’m also a member of a couple of clubs, which makes things a bit easier, but still, it is possible to be lonely in a crowd…
Keep going, your mum would be chuffed to bits, I’m sure :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thinking of doing a singles night, it comes down to interaction and companionship. I belong to a group but that’s only once a month.

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I think you should give it a go.
Have fun :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hello Keith, I lost my wife on 22 April. I too tried a different route on Saturday. I took my dog to a new area. I felt strange being without my wife after 42 years. I empathise with you. Keep being brave my friend.

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I took the cafe route. I very often find myself sitting in cafes having a flat white and a bun. I particularly love sitting outside if they have tables set up. My two little dogs are always with me, I’ve located several cafes where they are welcome. I won’t go if they aren’t. Nearly all the owners now love them and give them treats.

But I’ve learnt that other people love interaction, they have their own issues as we do, and they love the chance to chat, just as much as I do, and to tell us about themselves.

The dogs make it easier to start chatting, but a smile and a hello very often does the trick. Be confident.

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I remember that when my wife died (I can’t believe it was 3 years ago), I was distraught, how can I carry on, we had no children, we had lots of friends, I had lots of support, but I couldn’t rely on that intensity of support for ever.

So loneliness seemed to be my future.

Three things happened. As per my post above, I was in deep despair as I wandered around Bakewell, but I stopped for yet another coffee and bun in a pavement cafe. It was busy so I asked a lady if I could share a table with her. She realised how unhappy I was and we chatted. She had been alone for 20 years, and loved it. She said there’s nothing to fear. Incidentally, we’ve kept in touch, often chatting on the internet, and meeting for lunch.

Then purely by accident I watched a TV programme, where Shappi Khorsandi wandered alone in the peak district chatting to herself about her life and how good solitude could be. It made a huge impression on me, and gave me strength.

By this time, I’d come to realise that “aloneness” is very different from “loneliness”, You’ll have to Google it, to get the difference, but one is bad, the other is much better.

So the outcome is that I’m currently sat in my garden, happy and content. I think of my Penny, and smile as I look at “her” chair and chat to her.
Life’s not as good as it was, but I’m happy again.

PS if you want to see the video which helped me so much, you’ll find it at https://youtu.be/sX-_QiDAI3c?si=j8v_d6C3pH_BXq1M

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