Coping but not coping

Lost my mum in Feb this year… went in various times previously with chest infection to then be admitted week later diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and passed away 4 days later…
Had couple of weeks off work after sorting funeral and her flat but just feel like ‘life’s express train’ has just picked me back up and off I go…day into day… week into week… just want to stop and take stock of everything that happened… had some very surreal moments at the time and then auto pilot kicks in to be brave and ‘normal’ for her whilst she was still with us.
I still sob every i time of think about it… it’s all still vivid… being taken to the family room day 1 to say it’s 50/50 cancer… then day 2 for even worser news … I can’t even describe in words the pain and disbelief of what we had xperienced or see over the next few days…
I feel like I’m on self destruct mode… every now and agin when I stop life to think… I’m not eating healthily… I’m drinking… I just don’t care.
Life isn’t the same after losing a loved one… time isn’t healing for me… I just feel sad every time I think of her…

Hi Marmite im very sorry for your loss .Your nightmare is very new and raw (im 15 months into my nightmare) .My advice is this stop the drinking alcohol will make you happy when your happy but sad when your sad.It will also dull the wanting to eat .Work alcohol not eating properly are a recipe for disaster.Maybe visit your gp tell them the truth ?Keep coming back here theres others that will help[ im sure .Take care Colin (im 57 my wife was 41 she passed 04032016 on her birthday)

Hello Marmite. I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. I feel for you. I really really do. This pain is unthinkable isn’t it? It’s indescribable to anyone else who hasn’t experienced it and those who have sadly lost the closest person to them in their life will experience emotional pain that is beyond belief. I’m also still right there. I can personally relate to so many things that you’ve described in your post.

My Mum passed away in March, totally unexpectedly, (for me). I’d been my parents full time carer for the past 10 years, my Dad with Alzheimer’s and my Mum with COPD. She had the odd flare ups but it was managed well, (or so I thought). She was my absolute everything. The one person who I knew, that no matter what would always be there for me and I her when she needed help. She was my best mate!

My Mum had developed a bit of a chest infection, prescribed “good” antibiotics on a Friday and was given the all clear from hospital by her consultant, so I was relieved to bring her back home again. She was her usual happy, bubbly self, but with a slight loss of appetite. Nothing major at all.

On Monday morning, I found her slumped on the floor by the side of her bed. She’d gone.
I’m still caught up in that shockwave that hit me now. It’s never left me and haunts me some days so bad that I genuinely feel like I’m going mad. It feels like I’m still in denial. Way too surreal to contemplate.

The saddest thing is that although my Mum & Dad were married to each other for 65 years, my Dad doesn’t even remember her.

I have also and still do drink quite heavily to ease the pain. Every day actually hoping one day all this will make sense. I know I’m kidding myself but I too don’t care right now. I mainly drink to fall asleep, (after I’ve got my Dad settled each evening).
I’m angry and frustrated with life but for my Dad’s sake, have to just get on with the daily routines that I’ve always done as their carer.

Forgive me for babbling on like this for so so long, but it goes to prove that this website is perfect for sharing whatever you want with others going through something similar at anytime.
It does help, a bit.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope your pain begins to ease up sooner rather than later.
Take care of yourself.
I’m here if you want to talk.

Minty, (Malcolm)

I am so sorry for your loss… I can’t even imagine losing my other half so my heart goes out to you. My husband is truly my best friend so I have no comparison to how you feel… x
I have started counselling but I feel like I want to experience the pain and suffering I had at the time now but I just didn’t maybe acknowledge then… if that makes sense… straight after you’re on auto pilot… adrenaline… family all wanting to be around you… but part of me wants to punish myself because I am still alive and so what if I don’t go to work so what if I want to stay up stupidly late and drink myself into a state… who gives a shit cos at the moment in time I don’t.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I want to end my life… I wouldn’t want to put that on my family buti don’t know how else to express/explain how I feel…
I’m just soo so sad … something will remind me of her daily… god the heartbreak I feel for a few seconds a few times every day … it’s hard…!
Other people in our close family are in different places of grief to me so it’s hard to relate to someone in their emotions…

I’ll be fine for a few days then things start to remind me… then bam something just hits that sore spot…
I just feel very sad when I think about her… I miss her.