One year ago this month my husband died, the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend. He had been unwell for several years with many health conditions but it was still a shock to me and our children when it happened.
The first few weeks I don’t know how I got through them. My employer was very supportive and offered councilling. But I just couldn’t face it, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings. So I took the self help route.
I got a book on Grief with CBT exercises, worked through this which gave me coping mechanisms. Since my husband died I have keep a daily diary where I write about my day just as if I have got home from work to talk to him, I have a journal where I often write him love letters.
I don’t know where the first year has gone, reality first hit the first time I was referred to as a widow. I’m coping just about.
The hardest times are the mornings, I often feel I can’t face the day and just want to roll over and go back to sleep, I have to force myself to get up and go to work. The evenings are lonely, I miss the companionship, holding hands, a hug, a kiss. My family are supportive but they are grieving too with losing dad, grandad. I do have good friends that keep me sane.
I love having his things around me, toothbrush still next to mine, dressing gown hanging on the door, his walking stick by his side of the bed, I’m constantly looking at old photos and playing music we both love, this all gives me comfort.
This has been the hardest year of my life.
Dear Debbie,
Thank you for your lovely post. I can relate to it very much. I’m truly sorry you have lost your husband. It will be 5 years in June since I lost my wonderful husband. Like you, I went down the self help route. I have developed coping strategies which have worked for me.
In the early days I read and read and read. I too have kept a journal in which I write to my man telling him anything and everything. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom along with his shower gel in the shower cubicle.
Photos are wonderful and sometimes I find myself laughing out loud recalling the time they were taken. Music and poetry have been a great comfort to me, although I struggled with music at first.
Still there are mornings when I awake with that feeling of dread, those little panicky flutters in my tummy. I quickly shake them off and go down to make a cup of tea. That first cup of the day which my husband always made for me, every single morning.
Oh and how I miss holding hands, a hug, a kiss just as you say Debbie. My husband gave the best hugs.
Your first post on this forum and you’ve written it beautifully, describing your grief so eloquently and yet giving a glimmer of hope. You sound like you are doing the best you can. Be proud of yourself Debbie.
Some posts just hit a chord and yours has done that for me.
Sending love xx
It will be 2 years on the 9 th March my darling husband was diagnosed with cancer brain tumour glioblastoma grade lV… the most aggressive cancer inoperable.David died June 23rd 2020 at home with our children around the bedside… a devastating loss for all of us. He was a young 75 year old never looked his age.He was always doing something never one to sit about.
I will be 69 in July .
I miss him desperately every minute and the day.
I don’t work so I’m at home most of the time as I don’t drive…
I fill my days looking at photos of David and listening to Coldplay as they were one of his favourite bands.
I do see my family we have 4 children and 6 grandchildren…but that special person is missing from our everyday lives,I just miss everything about him.
It’s the silence just sitting in the lounge on your own staring into space thinking what we useto have and it’s been taken from us …going to bed on your own it’s just something I never envisaged . Miss going out in the car with him … holding hands ,we always told each other ( I love you with all my heart ) every day , I love him more than ever , tell him every day to his photograph which I take to bed every single night .
Nobody who hasn’t lost their husband wife life partner doesn’t really know what we are going through , they don’t understand .
I don’t know what I would do if my kids weren’t local they are my lifeline.
To add insult to injury I was diagnosed with breast cancer last November,had surgery 2 weeks ago, ( lumpectomy ) if my husband knew what I was going through he would be devastated, he would always say check your boobs or he would. . Sorry to ramble on …the photo was taken on our last cruise November 2019 he was 75 in the August… he always looked the same… just wish he could come home
Hi Crazy_kate
Thank you for your kind words, my love goes out to you too. It’s hard this strange reality we find ourselves in.
I wish you well
Debbie
Hi I’m all new to this. I’m glen I have just suddenly lost my wife at home with our little grandaugter in with us it was our Scarllet who first said popsy I can’t get Nana to wake up. This was 22nd February. Its being so hard as we have been married over 34 years doing everything together I’m registered disabled after a work accident 10 years ago. But I have funeral tomorrow and my wife Tina her mam went to see Tina in chapel but 24 hours later died too. Its just piling up.
I’m so sorry for you loss popsy67, it must be a very difficult time for you. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, funerals are difficult, saying goodbye is not easy. I know I cried through most of my husband’s you can’t quite believe the person you love most in the world is gone. 
They are so close but you can’t hold them or hear the sound of their voice again.
Just be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
Debbie X X 