It’s only been 8 weeks since losing my darling partner Janet of 32 years to secondary breast cancer. I miss her so much , big hole has opened up in my life. We did everything together so I’m at a loss as how to carry on.
The only way I seem to be able to cope is by telling myself off.
I say to myself stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You had 32 years of love ,not everyone can say that.
She’s the one who after suffering the ravages of cancer died. She didn’t want to leave me but had no choice.
I should be glad that she’s at peace and not in pain.
Life goes on, Spring s here.
I have a choice carry on and try to find some enjoyment in things or give in to this overwhelming grief and loss.
This is how I am coping and it might not be right for everyone.
It doesn’t always work for me, but it’s all I can think of to carry on.
Love to you all who are in so much pain.
Pete xxx
Hi @PeteLonsomeCowboy
Sorry for your sad loss, you are entitled to your feelings, & it’s normal to feel sad sometimes, especially after the bereavement of someone who was clearly such a big part of your life, & obviously so important to you, 32 years is a long time to be with someone, you must of loved her very much, though she can’t be with you anymore, I’m sure you’ll hold her in your heart forever. It is a shock when our loved ones pass, even when it’s the kind of illness that means we know what’s coming, . I hope you have family & friends who can support you at this upsetting time.
If it helps, some people keep a bereavement diary, write a letter to their loved one, or talk to a picture of them, or read books on how to cope with grief, but be kind to yourself, you are very early on in your bereavement journey, I know when my mom passed, I spent the first year on autopilot, but I know everyone is different, & that their own grief journey is unique to them. I think it makes sense that you’re trying to spir yourself on, I know the world doesn’t stop turning when someone passes, & it can be painful, the sun rises & sets every day, & every day we see everyone else just getting on with their lives, but when we’re grieving, there are times when it’s helpful to keep busy, or give ourselves other things to focus on, but sometimes it’s also helpful to take time for ourselves, to process what’s happened in our lives, & the changes it means, but only you can decide when you are ready to do this. If it helps, give yourself one thing to do each day, even if it’s just something small, like a short walk, even if it’s just to a corner store to get some milk, or doing the dishes.
Sending hugs of support.
Thanks Panda princess I agree with everything you’ve said.
I just try to keep going and get something done each day.
I walk my little Jack Russell Lily. Round our field as I’m a country boy. To far to the shops though. Might try a ride on the electric bike with Lily’s pet carrier on the back.
She can’t bare to be alone ,I know the feeling. Pete x
Yes happy memories. That’s why we got a small motor 10th Years ago after Jan’s first cancer.
We needed the security having your own loo, bed and cooking facilities give you. It ment we spent many a happy day out . Whether it was the coast, NT properties. Mountains,Lakes etc.
Hope to get out more ,with Lily to get some more nice memories.
I’m having a downer day. Everything hard work, trouble concentrating, miserable. Oh well was a little better yesterday in the sunshine. Cold wet today doesn’t help my mood
What a day yesterday. Decided I must go shopping. Checked the post box on the way out. The DWP have decided after 2 1/2 maths that they’d overpaid Jan by £600 could I kindly pay it back b bank giro thanks
really! The DWP have a lot to answer for, they really should work on timing. Sending hugs of support at this difficult time. If you’re struggling, check if you can claim any kind of bereavement support.
It isn’t really the money that upsets, it’s the treatment of a grieving partner. Someone who has taken care at home of a loved one and saved the NHS thousands.
@PeteLonsomeCowboy
Hi, I’ve read your posts and it’s very much like my situation. Lost my partner of 30 years 4 weeks ago due to cancer. How do you cope ? So sorry for your loss .
Hi Cindy. I try to stay positive. Think of all the love and good times we had.
Tell myself off if I’m feeling sorry for myself (Which is a lot).
Try and reconcile myself that she is gone and that’s a big one. Plan a few outings with Lily my little dog in our motorhome. There’s no magic way to manage just remember they wouldn’t want us to go on suffering.
If you need to chat anytime just send me a private message.
Take care of yourself.x
@PeteLonsomeCowboy
Hi, I’m trying to stay positive.
I know he wanted me to go on and do the things we’d planned before he got sick. I have a dog, Stan. Love him to bits. We had a motorhome for 18 years, now it’s too big. I spend time in the garden. I’m just feeling lost and pointless. Allthough, I’ve always loved my own company, I’m feeling overwhelmed by it now. There is no support financially as we never felt the need to marry.
Hi @PeteLonsomeCowboy
I am feeling much the same as you, my wife of 41 years died in December of MND, I was caring for her for 12 years, I was coping ok until this week when I have been engulfed in a low mood, can’t seem to shake it off, keep telling myself off like you do, hope it lifts soon.
I also had the letter of overpayment of benefits, not great is it.
All the best wishes to you.
Thanks Jack. Sorry your going through a bad time. With me there doesn’t seem to be any warning when my mood blackens and everyday chores seem extremely hard. Then I become very weary and just want to sleep.
The better weather and some sunshine helps me. I get out and about round the farm tidy this and that… Cutting wood ,keeps my mind occupied and then come in and fall asleep . Take care buddy we will get through this somehow. Regards Pete
. I hope you have family & friends who can support you at this upsetting time.
I like the picture with the Eric
really! The DWP have a lot to answer for, they really should work on timing. Sending hugs of support at this difficult time. If you’re struggling, check if you can claim any kind of bereavement support.