Coping/Not Coping

Losing a child
1

Hello all.

So. Yeah. I should start by saying ‘hope everyone is well,’ but I feel that might be pointless considering this forum isn’t ‘Happy Times’ or ‘Fun Zone.’

In 2020 I lost my wife to breaat cancer. She was 33. Three years later I lost our daughter, aged 6, to lymphoma.

And…I dunno. I. Do. Not. Know.

From the moment my daughters funeral finished that was me done. Locked myself away in house. Ended up losing my job. Got into debt. And Christmas Day 2023 tried to kill myself.

Happy Christmas indeed, eh.

In April of last year I had a small u-turn. Got a job. Over the months I pulled myself out of debt. Moved in with my parents aged 40 (if there is a forum called ‘Living In A Single Bed Back At Parents’ let me know).

2024 wasn’t a major turn around. I developed a drinking habbit. Tick.
Self harmed. Tick.
Went to rehab. Tick.
Went to cemetery once a day. Tick. Tick. Tick.

But I did do one thing that made a difference. I wrote it all down. The bad. The ugly. The good. The amusing. And I found for the first time in years I was able to be honest.
Free therapy.
Or more to the point therapy that worked.

I started posting my writings on Instagram. Sharing pictures of my family. Etc.
And soon I had thousands of followers who resonated with what I was saying.

I have zero wish, nor good enough, to be an author. But I just wanted to come here and say ‘hello’ and ‘life is rubbish’ and ‘its good to be honest’ somewhere.

I guess I was just touched by the people thst followered, and helped me. These internet strangers. And wanted to reach out here, really.

Its on private for obvious reasons. Theres no gain from me, its a do or don’t type thing. But I wanted to say hi - and if nothing else reach out to the keyboard tappers who share so much on here.

Anyway. Thanks for listening

All the best

3 Likes
2

Im 48 an lost my only child she was 7 an my everything i wasn’t supposed to be able to have a child so she was so special to me and the best thing that ever happened to me she probably saved my life my drinking was out of control aswell as cocain but she made me stop the cocain an get control of my drinking an through the troubles we got to be a normal family but now she’s gone i just want to be with her :broken_heart: she was a earth angel an i don’t know what to do

3

I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s hard to fathom how certain things turn out the way they do, and I find the more I try and search for answers the harder it becomes.

I hope you have been able to seek some way forward.

X

4

Hi @Stu1984
Christmas ‘23 was my first Christmas without my daughter. So while you were trying to end your life I was sat crying alone in the grounds of my local church wishing I was dead too. (I’m not religious but was desperately trying to find answers, comfort but most of all my daughter)
So now I face my third Christmas without her and I feel very much the same as I did on my first.
Some things have got better but many have got worse so I find the grief is balanced.
I cannot write how much she meant to me or how much her loss has diminished me,
I do not have the words.
But I can say how there isn’t very much help out there for parents who have lost a child and even fewer sources that are brutally honest. I don’t want to hear this will get better or that my life will grow around my grief, no one knows anything about my life or how my grief has become my life because my grief is all I have left of her.

If you could/would share your page I’m sure plenty of us here would give it a follow.

6

Hi all,

Just a note to say that sharing personal social media accounts on the community is against our community guidelines and terms and conditions, and that we will remove any links. Please do remember that this is a public community, and staying anonymous is the best way to protect your privacy. You can read our tips on staying safe on our staying safe page.

If you’d like to share details, then you can private message a user by visiting their profile and clicking, “Private message”.

Take care
Seaneen