Coping on the outside but struggling on the inside

Hi, I have nobody to talk to, dad passed away in November from cancer. My oldest child 14 is coping very well my youngest 10 is struggling so much, which makes me feel I can’t grieve as I am having to be strong for her. My husband doesn’t help me with her “he doesn’t know what to say”
People don’t ask me anymore how I am I am just meant to move on, but on the inside all I can think about is dad and how much I miss him.
I am also so scared I will get cancer and leave my children without their mum.


Hi Rosie888

When my mum died suddenly 2 and a half years ago, my daughter who was 12, struggled terribly.

My mum brought up my daughter with me so she lost a 2nd mum. I also didn’t know how to help my daughter as I was so traumatised by what had happened that I was barely managing to look after myself.

My daughters school offered group therapy for my daughter which gave hope to us. In the end, Covid put the therapy on hold and by the time the school were able to offer it again, my daughter decided she had made it this far and had developed her own coping strategies so she declined the offer.

Can you speak to your child’s school,maybe a family liaison officer, or the safeguarding lead to see what they can offer?

Cheryl x

Thank you Cheryl for replying, so sorry for your loss. Her school have offered her bereavement counselling within school time, they have been great letting her out of class to go chat with their support lady, so I can’t fault them. I had to lay with her last night she finally fell asleep about 1 am then work up crying half an hour later scared because I wasn’t there.
She has 1 of dad’s hankies she carries around and I have got her a cuddle Teddy for if she is feeling sad but it doesn’t seem to make it easier for her. X


I can only say what happened with us, but time has helped and its the only thing that has.

In the beginning I had no idea how we were going to carry on without my mum. She was energetic, full of life, did all my childcare, went everywhere with us. We bought a bugalow and all lived together just 9 months before mum died.

But time has passed and we have survived. We still have times when we sit and cry and we still can’t believe she is no longer here but we keep busy and try and fill our life as best we can.

Your children will get through this even though it doesn’t feel like it. I honestly didn’t think I would survive but I have, even though there is a massive mum shaped hole in our lives. It doesn’t help that my daughter has no other grandparents.

Life is very unfair.

Cheryl x