Sorry to here the distress you are in and your attempts to get help. My wife passed 19 months ago and its been really hard to come to terms with it and trying and move forward. My advice is to try and find a suitable way of talking about you emotions as to how you feel. There is no need at all to try and tackle this on your own. I dont know which part of the country you are in , but where i am i was fortunate enough to seek out and joined a beiverment group of people in the same position to me and its been a god send to me over the last year in venting your emotions and talking about all issues concerning our shared situation. I would try and source one locally in your area. Also , joining outside interests has been a great help. Hope this is of some help to you in your
present situation
Not sure I have any answers really. I like to try and achieve a little tick box each day so I can say Iāve done something . Me and T didnāt find hardly any help when she was here despite what they advertise / promise. Sometimes listening to music helps other times not . Be kind to Yourself. 4 weeks ago T passed so early days here , will help via here if I can x
Should we have to be alone , is that as good as it gets ?
No , sorry, I dont think you have to be alone. I feel if you reach out, its out there
Hi @Ally6
I would suggest looking up bereavement groups in your local area, it helps to talk to people going through similar things.
Hmmmā¦ Ideas for when in distress, I have called Samaritans so many times now, itās actually on speed dial on my phone under āSAMā, sometimes when theyāre busy, you just have to be persistent & stay on the line, early mornings & late night is usually busiest. They wonāt think your wasting there time, they are there to help people in distress, so to be calling them, you must need there help.
I usually use distraction techniques, count the blue things in the room, alphabet games, list things, play a game I invited called "celebrity name chain, start with the name of any celebrity ie- Johnny Depp, then the next one has to start with the same first letter, as the surname of the one before, for example,
David Attenborough, Alan Alder, Amy Winehouse, Winston Churchill, etcā¦ the only rules are, it has to be a real person, no character names, though stage names are allowed, & they have to have a first name & surname or it breaks the chain, so you canāt have like, Madonna, or Rihanna, for example.
Walking is a great suggestion. Sadly, I know itās hard to feel alone, I hate those times, I put the TV on for company, sometimes just getting out the house & going to a coffee shop, or somewhere where thereās people, maybe try to find a social group to make new friends. For me sometimes reading works.
I think itās fair to say no-one chooses to be alone all of the time, but donāt give up, no-one knows whatās just around the corner, I met my boyfriend 3 months after my mom passed, there are memories Iāve made with him Iām grateful to have had, & so proud of him, so donāt give up, it can get better.
Have to agree with you all who use distraction to get through each day. Iām glad I have my job to go to and it keeps my mind occupied. I try and get into the garden when I can as I find it helps me mentally.
If I sit down without the TV on my mind wonders and I feel panicky thinking about my son and brother. I listen to music when I go out shopping and use the bus. Iāve had a few bad days this week and I think thatās how grief isā¦ when it hits, it hits you hard. Today has been a better dayšš¼
I do feel a lot of my friends have distanced themselves from me after my sonās funeral but I have great people at work and a few close friends. No-one should have to go through this alone and there is always someone here to offer support or just to listen if you have no-one around you 
Hi Ally6, Iāve not posted before but I know what that dreadful feeling is like. Iām fortunate because I do have my sisters to talk to most of the time.
When theyāre not available I just cry it out and rant and rave (usually at myself) until Iām too exhausted to do anything else. My husband died of suicide so I have a lot of unanswered questions.
Like you I havenāt sought the help of professionals, as I have a severe lack of trust for personal reasons, but that doesnāt mean you shouldnāt keep trying to get that help or person to talk to.
I think we all have our own individual ways of dealing with those dark moments and you will find yours Ally6, just keep looking.
This site has been my lifesaver on many dark days and nights and I am so grateful to everyone who posts. Thanks to each and every one of you.
Hi
I was widowed 3 and a half years ago , my only coping strategies were my family and walking with my dog or walking alone did help too . I,m so sorry for whats happened to you . Its absolutely heartbreaking to be in this position . If you can or enjoy walking please try it . I hope this helps you , sorry i couldnt help more . God bless
Good advice