Hi, I wanted to share a coping strategy which has given me some comfort. I lost my wonderful Mum in November. She was everything to me, my whole world and words cannot express how utterly devastated I feel.
Ever since she passed away I have been in a constant state of anxiety, plagued by thoughts of ending my life, feeling that there was nothing left to live for. I have also suffered relentless insomnia. I have just discovered a coping mechanism which has just, for the first time, given me a bit of hope, feelings of inner peace and calm and enabled me to get my first night’s sleep in three months. I know it will not be everyone’s cup of tea but it has worked for me over the last few days so I just thought I would share it.
I was sorting out Mum’s old clothes the other day. I would never consider giving them away or getting rid of them, I want to keep everything to remember her. The clothes were so pretty and the materials so soft and comforting to touch. I decided to put on some of her clothes to feel close to her – kind of like wrapping oneself in a giant comfort blanket. As a straight man the idea felt a bit strange at first but as soon as I did it I knew I had discovered a new connection to Mum and it felt so special. I started off with a dress and cardigan or a blouse and skirt and then progressed to include her undergarments as well. When I wear her undergarments it feels like I am being held tightly in a warm embrace or receiving a huge hug from her. It is especially comforting, relaxing and soothing.
I now enjoy wearing her clothes whilst at home as a way of Iiterally keeping her close to my heart. I feel I am honoring her memory and keeping part of her alive by doing so. It is an act of Iove and a tribute to her which I intend to keep doing for the rest of my life. I have no interest in crossdressing or wanting to be a woman, I just want to feel close to my wonderful Mum and keep her memory alive.