Hello, my husband’s funeral is tomorrow. I lost him 5 weeks ago, he was only 39 and it was completely unexpected. I know it’s a personal thing but based on experience, does anyone have any advice for coping with the day? My feelings at the moment are that I want to hold my head up high, be strong and be proud to have been his wife. He loved a party so I want the wake to be as positive as possible in his honour. Did anyone else feel like this? Or am I just a bit unusual?
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Based on my experience what will be will be, it was all a blur, do not try to put any pressure on yourself to behave in a particular way, I can tell you that it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Stay close to your loved ones.
Best wishes.
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I don’t think you’re unusual. I felt exactly the same with my wife. I got up and read my eulogy to her and I tried to make the funeral and wake a celebration of her life and as positive as possible. As you say, something to be proud of. Be proud you were his wife and make him proud of you.
For me personally, the day of the funeral was not too bad because of those things. Being more positively focused help me say a better farewell and I hope she would have been proud of the way I carried myself and led the tributes to her. The pain came the day after. A lot of people will probably tell you that after the focus of the funeral has passed is when you really start to grieve. So I would say do what feels right for you in the moment.
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I really wouldn’t try and plan a strategy. You will feel as you feel. I cried through the whole ceremony. My brother had everyone in tears with his wonderful poem. I would have been an even worse wreck without my niece who sat and held my hand throughout. The number attending was my comfort. I thought when I ordered 50 order of service I might ge overdoing it but there were very few over.
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@EmilyG
I didn’t call it a funeral, we called it a Celebration of Life. I wanted his funeral to reflect him and how he lived his life. I wanted it to be full of laughs (of course there would be tears too) but I wanted him to be remembered for who he was and for anyone who knew him to come and share their stories of him.
Despite my own fears, we had a good day and he was remembered by so many people from all aspects of his life. Yes it was emotional, he was way too young to die and it felt surreal, but it was nice to put faces to names, past and present and it was great to share the memories.
It was exhausting though and were a few tough days afterwards.
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I found my husband funeral very hard. The 2nd worst day of my life. I fell to pieces when the car arrived outside our home. Good friends help me to get into the car. My son who is just 22 read out his letter to his dad which was heartbreaking. I wouldn’t call it a celebration of life as my husband was robbed of his life and should of had another 30 years. The wake went ok and lots of memories shared and photos of my husband. We also had a memory book which friends wrote their messages and thought of my husband. Take care and make sure that you have good support. You won’t know how you feel until your husband special day. Big hugs xx
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I was adamant I’d be strong for our sons (21 and 19)
But as soon as we hit the church I went couldn’t even lift my head up. Tried to walk out but my dad kept moving me forward. It was hard very hard (sudden death at 52)
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