Coping with cremation

My husband passed away suddenly and unexpectantly 2 weeks ago. We were focusing on trying to sort out one health condition and he passed away with another. His funeral in on Friday and I cant bear the thought of his body being cremated…
How does anyone deal with this?
It seems so brutal and so final

Kathryn, how sad for you and I am truly sorry for you. My own personal feelings are that all that is left when the soul leaves the body is just a human body.
I had the feeling when my father went that he said goodbye to me and I wasn’t at the bedside at the time. When my husband went, he seemed to smile down at me but he was on a hospital trolley going to icu but he didn’t seem to be there after that.
To me it seems that the soul or what ever you want to call the element that controls the human body is the thing that matters and the body is the thing which has a end date that we don’t know. Please don’t worry about what happens to the coffin, it’s looking after yourself that matters and I am sure he would want you to remember him smiling at you. I shall be thinking of you on Friday and sending big hugs. S xxx


Hi Kathryn

I think cremation has got to be better than being placed in the ground in a coffin. It’s a personal thing I know but my parents both were cremated and I will choose that method too. Unfortunately there are only two choices.

When it happens you will find that you dont think about the cremation part. You will concentrate on getting through the day and the service.

I hope it goes as well as can be.


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Thank you so much…I feel a bit easier about it now.
I think it’s because his body…hands, feet, arms even his chubby calfs that we would joke about will be gone forever…and it makes me scared to think…that’s it…
I am a spiritual person too…
it is just strange…

thank you Cheryl…
As you say, only 2 choices.
I just see it as all so final. When there is a body, he is still on this Earth.
It is hard to explain…



No of course, you are right.

It is so final.

Those first few weeks and months are so so hard. But, you do get used to them being gone. I miss my mum every hour of every day and it took me a long time to accept she wouldnt be home. I still think I see her when I walk round the aisle in a supermarket and I hear her voice so clearly.

Sudden death is very hard. No preparing yourself and such a shock to the system. Both my parents were fine in the morning and gone by afternoon.

You are still in shock.


Thank you Cheryl
I am truly very sorry indeed to hear about the sudden loss of your parents… That is absolutely awful.
Your words just said it all about the shock to the system. There is no solution I suppose… you just have to go through it. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I think that I have to separate my emotional attachment to the physical aspect of my husbands body to the spiritual…
His body is no longer who he is anymore…
Thank you again for your kind words and for helping me to try and make sense of things xx

@Katiemarylucy1 hi Kathryn I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband it does seem final and brutal but as Susie123 said its the soul that is the person we love which also holds their heart and all the love they felt for us their bodies may be gone but they are always with us and their love is always with us and our love for them is eternal I will be thinking of you on Friday take care sending hugs x

When I lost my husband Martin it really crushed me to think he was laying alone in the funeral home but I preferred that to going through a cremation. I found that really difficult to get my head round. As his death was sudden there had to be a post Mortem and strangely once that was done I knew his body was no longer the same. A good friend of mine went to see him for me, as I was contemplating going to see him but was to scared. She told me his body had changed a fair bit and it was best to remember him as he was before that awful day.
Again it was at that point that I knew it was time for this empty shell to be laid to rest. Yes it is final but as time passes I found it better then the alternative of his remains staying on this earth. His soul had left and gone to a better place.

Please take care xx

Thank you so much Casey1…
Yes, I will be focusing on my husbands soul which I hope has flown to a much better place than the last 9 months he had on this ‘Earth Plain’…
I really appreciate you answering my post…


Hello Dee64

I am so sorry to hear how you also felt losing your husband Martin.
I too have been torturing myself thinking about my husband ‘all alone’, especially as we were advised by the Funeral Directors that it would be wise not to go and see him.
Then yesterday I started to think that I only have one day to see him before he will be cremated, and that broke me. But now I will think about his soul, and not his body , which could not sustain any more, and is at peace.
So I will remember him as the funny, upbeat person that he was.

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my post


Hi Kathryn,
My same sex wife suddenly died at home 6 months ago. We were together for 53 years.
We had both said cremation.I had put into her pockets cuttings I, d taken of fur from our pets, and of my hair, and photos of all of us.So she wouldn’t be alone.
How about doing something similar?
And your lovely husband won’t know anything about it, and you can keep his ashes until you feel it’s right to scatter them, of course if you want to.
Best Wishes, Vee 1

I am so sorry to hear about your wife.
That was a lovely idea.
Thank you

Hello Susie123
So very sorry indeed for this late reply… I somehow missed replying to your lovely heartfelt text which you posted to try and help me through my anxieties about cremation.
You were right. I wasn’t able to dwell on it.
The funeral swept me along.
I now know that the memory of his physical being can never be erased from my heart and his soul is separate and free from the suffering he had to endure…
Thank you again for your lovely, comforting reply, and so sorry again for my late one to you x

Thank you, it’s lovely of you to reply and I am pleased that your head is getting in a better place because he is no longer having to deal with his illness. It’s something that does and always has comforted me. Look after yourself and take care. S xx

Thank you again Susie 123…

For anyone reading since these posts, we placed a photo in my dad’s coffin and I wrote a letter for him and that went in too. Funnily enough, I don’t think about him as having gone. I did sit with him a few times beforehand and had some private time with him. I’m glad I did.
My sister in law works in our local crematorium and I know how much they look after people behind the scenes and the great care and respect every body is given. So please do not worry for them or think too much of it. They are all looked after so very very well.


thank you so much Catwoman…I do appreciate you writing this.