coping with dad death and my older sister death too

My dad had underlining problems which meant he had no choice to go to hospital. While there he caught cora19 at watford hospital and within a month he died.he was put on end of life care which I dont feel he was looked after properly. I had the chance to say goodbye to him.but then he could not speak.i gave him water and he choked on it .that to me not looking after him.and not eating.end of life care meant to me let him die.he was 80 and frail…also was not next of kin too.which made it harder to speak to sumone at the hospital. I am oldest son .his mouth was so dry and looked off colour .not eating too.they scan him and had emoania on lungs and was using alotbof oxygen. The docs say they tried to help him but was too ill.he had secpic blood poisoning too from his leg infection which was bad.sadly he died on 28th took a while b4 we could cremated my dad as was a corna19 virus I was clearing up my dads place with my oldest sister syliva.she was my rock wen I had problems. Kept her in touch wen dad was in hospital. 3 times she helped me clear up my dads flat.then on 1st june was my dads funeral. 2 hours b4 it took place .my oldest sister syliva died in a asda supermarket in hatfield.she was changing a black dress she got b4 .she felt ill and had a heart attack. They try 4 a hour .nothing could be my dads place I had 12 calls and texts .which I left my phone on mute.took the call.could not blelive wat happened. Of course my dads funeral and she died too.i was heart broken…then we found out she had a clot on the lungs…so 17th june was my sisters funeral. Lovely they both were. Losing my dad was bad bad. And syliva too.then had another call my best mate mum died on my sisters funeral too.she was a 2nd mum to num died 18 years ago .which took a long time to heal.went to her family funeral too as all been 2 months since my dad has passed ana amounts for my sister.i can’t sleep.have bad dads crying. So raw

Bless you Deban!
Your experience is so heartbreaking! Very sorry to hear of this horrible situation. You have been hit by a huge boulder that is threatening to keep you under it forever. But you will get up and crawl away slowly and with time walk and even run… all this will take way too long because now you are at the worst moment … perhaps the worst moment of your entire life!
I would not be surprised to hear that you even feel tension in your body and an almost physical lump in your heart. How do I know? Well I have lost a few loved ones, I lost a younger sister, a wife, a brother in law just about 10 days before my 32 year old wife died and a few years later I lost my father too!
Things will never make sense, you are suffering now and all you can do now is take it as it comes! Talk to us all in here as we each have been through or are even going through grief and so we are familiar with the experience of pain! It will not heal you to talk, at least not at once but the more you talk the better you will feel - if only very slightly!
I believe in God and that for me is my refuge and strength even in the depth of pain. I know in my heart that God sees all your tears and when you cannot sleep you should call upon Him.
I wish you well and I pray you will feel better and better soon!

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So sorry to hear what you have been through. Like your dad, my dad had to go hospital three times a week, and that’s where he probably got Covid. He suffered a painful death, away from the family, that I still cannot talk about, so I totally understand what you must be going through. As if that wasn’t bad enough, your sister also dies suddenly, gosh, that is so tragic. And to top it all off, your friend’s mum.

That’s a lot to take for anyone, and you have come to the right place for help, but have you also considered professional help? Have you contacted Cruse, or Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Service? I really think you might benefit from such help given how much you have gone through.

Hello Debian, what an horrendous time you have had to deal with, you will be totally heartbroken and yes there is help out there which will help ease the pain. Not many people go through what has happened to you and my heart aches for you. Please keep posting, sharing and writing about how you feel helps and consider contacting others for help because of what you have to deal with. Remember you are not alone and please don’t beat yourself up over any of it, as khanye says having faith helps and we cannot make sense of any of the things life throws at us. Remember to look after yourself and take care.