I lost my partner in 13th Jan and her funeral will be on the 25th Feb. At first I thought the long time scale would be a good thing, but now I’m not sure.
I’m not really sure about anything anymore to be honest.
Her mum has taken on the organising and we were supposed to be doing it together but I am being pushed out of the arrangements. I have a couple of non negotiables and so far they are being honoured so I’m trying to just keep everything amicable.
But, the biggest worry for now, I don’t know how I am going to get through the day. Should I ask the GP for something to help? I live alone now, should I ask someone to stay over? I usually feel stronger when I’m alone, if people are nice to me I go to pieces, but will I already be in pieces?
I just don’t know. I can’t make any sense of it.
I’m 59 and this is my first loss, and I am absolutely lost. I miss her so much, she was younger than me, we had so many dreams and plans and it just seems so unfair!
Hi @Bilisa1309 ,
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us. Keep reaching out.
Alex
We also had to wait 6 weeks (over Christmas and New Year) for my son’s funeral and in a way it helped, because we had time to organise the day and make it really special. I was dreading the day of the cremation itself, but I didn’t take anything and in the end it was OK, because there were so many kind people there who buoyed us up. As is often pointed out, it has been almost worse since then, because other people have reverted to their normal lives whilst we are still trying to adjust to our new existence. For most of the time, I have actually preferred to grieve on my own, although we have had visits from very kind relations and friends . Personally I find I just need to sit and think and try to put things in order in my head. But I am realising now that at some stage it would be sensible to have a few more people around and to get out more. But a mere 10 weeks since my darling son passed, I don’t feel ready for that yet. So sorry for your loss.
Hi I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel the same regarding being alone, other than my daughter I’ve barely seen anyone, and I prefer it that way, I’ve always been a bit of a loner,and myself and my partner had a small
Circle of friends who have been very kind but so far I’ve held off seeing them. Just getting so very scared of the actual
Day, people being around, the emotion, her family. It’s all so very scary and I partly feel I want it over so I can come back home to being alone again
Yes, the funeral will be an emotional ordeal, but it is something that has to be done to honour and respect your loved one and to provide some closure for the mourners. It probably won’t provide closure for you personally though, any more than it did for me. After the funeral we had the wake in a local pub, and after that we invited just a few close relations back to the house for a cup of tea. It just helped to soften the transition between having a lot of people about and then going back to being on our own.
That sounds a nice idea! I may do the same. Lots of love to you
@Bilisa1309
I’m really sorry for your loss.
You’ll probably be surprised how well you cope with the funeral. You’ll probably just go onto autopilot. I think our minds do it to protect us from the enormity of the situation. It will go by in a blur. Remember everyone is on your side and will expect very little of you. Make sure you know everything that is going to happen so there are no surprises to tip you up.
It’s up to you about having people with you. There are pros and cons. Other people may fuss less if you have someone with you. I had two girlfriends stay and sorting things out for them kept my mind off things. I didn’t drink and drove us home too.