Coping with groups

Does anyone else panic when confronted with groups of family or friends? In small groups-4,5 people I am ok. When it becomes 5, or 6 couples I feel so overwhelmed. My husband should be here and he is not. I really try to be positive but the tears just flow. How am I going to get through Christmas with big family gatherings and New Years Eve with old friends, there used to be 14 of us. I just don’t know how to get out of them. I just know I’ll end up in a heap.

I don’t have that problem because I’m on my own but I can see how it is a problem.If you don’t feel that you can join a group of friends,then don’t.Do things at your pace,I’m sure they would understand.If you decide to go to a New Year’s Eve party,you could leave early.

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Hi. Montague. It’s OK! It’s how YOU feel not others. It’s your loss. I don’t panic, but I dislike more than 3 people. They all mean well, but I learned my lesson a year ago. I was invited out after a couple of months to 'take me out of myself! What a silly expression that is. How can that ever be?
It was horrendous because coming home to an empty house after all the so called jollity made everything worse.
You must be guided by how YOU feel not others. Being firm and saying no is difficult. We don’t want to upset anyone by seeming to be churlish, but at the same time causing ourselves more pain is not good ether. Learning to say no at the risk of upsetting someone is difficulty, but needs to be done. No one can ever know how you feel. Grief is so very personal. But try not to put yourself into vulnerable situations like big gatherings.
The time will come when you can cope. ‘Ending up in a heap’ is something I doubt will happen. But why ‘test’ yourself to see if you can? We have to find ways to minimise the pain not make it worse.
Now take care. Be kind to yourself as I am sure your husband would have wanted. Blessings.


Yes definitely, I struggle but I think I may be getting a bit better. It’s been a year and I just couldn’t face a group of people even if I knew them. I am not a shy person, can converse happily so my sudden change has been confusing. When I did try to join in with friends they was very kind but I was continually making a hasty retreat, usually in tears Even last Christmas day when I joined family I felt the need to get away. I can manage one to one just fine though. I have now joined a dancing class but it took me three goes to go in. I love to dance though and don’t have to talk to people that much. I go to the gym and have done for years but this isn’t a social thing and suits me. I have been invited to a Christmas party but decided against it this year. I’m moving forward slowly and don’t want to rush myself and go backwards again. Small steps…

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Yeah Pat! Let’s have a dance. :laughing: I’m fed up with being fed up. Right?
You and I have gone along this path at about the same time, and your posts have been an inspiration. So keep going.
I am invited to my neighbours for Christmas day and that’s about as far as I shall go. She has two lovely four year old granddaughters and it’s good to see the kids enjoying themselves. But a couple of hours is enough. I don’t mind so much coming back to an empty house after that because it gets a bit hectic in there with the kids, Bless them.
I never thought I would be able to be alone for long, but slowly I’m getting used to it. I too used to be outgoing, but now find I am not able to go on for long with lengthy conversations. Of course we change. We are bound to after what happened. Nothing can ever be as it was, but it can be what it might be, if you see what I mean.
Blessings Pat. Hugs. XX

Right Jonathan, I am also fed up with being fed up. I know Brian would just shrug and go back to reading his book or on the computer and say “what are you making such a fuss about”.
Last night I decided to have a late bath and put candles around the bath and soaked for ages. For once I felt tension slipping away and a light was there. Unfortunately this morning it has disappeared and I’m non too good again. So, my remedy is to walk, gardening or dance. I did all three in that order. I do yoga first and laugh at my dogs climbing all over me. Don’t they realise I’m trying to be calm…
I put on some really fast music which I love but I would be considered too old anywhere but in my own house. But I can disco dance as well or better than most youngsters and today it was Hip hop, forgot I could even do it. Call me eccentric, I just don’t care !!! Now do you fancy joining in with me…
I have no idea what I am doing on Christmas day and don’t want to take it for granted that I am going to be invited to my Grandsons and family. I too can only manage a short time with family, it can all get a bit overwhelming, although I love them to bits but don’t want to be a party pooper. I know I have said this before but Brian started to prefer to stay at home and asked me why we couldn’t just have egg and chips and pickles and put our feet up in front of the fire and watch rubbish TV.
I’m off to the town hall tomorrow to do Zhumba dancing.
Pat xxx