Coping with guilt

My mum passed away in March of cancer. I’m really struggling to cope. One thing I’m finding really difficult is when mum was really sick last year I broke down to a friend and confided in them about mum having had mental illness throughout her life and all the times she was bad to me growing up.y friend has been very cold to me since and it’s left me feeling sick with guilt that I said such things about mum when she was vulnerable. But at the time i had no control and it all just spilled out. Any support would me much appreciated, I feel like I’m losing my mind.


Im sorry for you that youre feeling so much guilt, at the same time as a deep loss. When you told your friend about your mum, you were vulnerable and in need of support from them. I dont understand why shes not being caring?
My mum also had mental health issues during my childhood. Our relationship in my adulthood was much better. It causes some confusion and I do understand feeling that youre betraying your mum?
You are entitled to your feelings about harder times and youd be being selfless to disregard them. Thats not good for you.
Mazza x


Hi @Laurzo,
My mom passed away 2 years ago from brain tumors, it’s tough watching someone who has been such a big part of our lives going through something like that. Please don’t feel bad, you confided to a friend you thought you could trust, & we all get overwhelmed & need an outlet for our feelings sometimes, it’s understandable, it shows how much you care.
I can’t say what is in your friends mind because I don’t know him/her, but 2 members of my family have mental health conditions, & I can say from experience that it can be one of those subjects where people get scared or nervous because they don’t understand, so as a result they don’t always know what to say, but if they’re avoiding you in your time of need, chalk it up to experience, your priority is you. Gladly there are organisations out there that you can talk to, who are not there to judge, charities like mind, & rethink that can offer support, sue Ryder, & can offer support with bereavement counciling, you can also call Samaritans, they’re not just for people in crisis, & then there are also what ever support groups & things are in your area. But this is your grief journey, you do what works for you, & take it at your pace.
When a parent passes, I think we’re all shell shocked for a while, it’s a big change, & it can take time to process everything, & adjust to your new routine. Sending hugs of support.


Thank you so much for your kind reply. Sorry to hear about your mum, it must’ve been so tough to see her go through that. Have a lovely day.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. It really helped me. Hope you have a lovely day

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Im glad you felt better, after reading the responses. It does help to feel less alone, with our grief. Its still raw for you, if its only March. My mum died 5 months ago and one friend did make a negative comment about her. Our relationship was complex but that doesnt make it 'wrong ’ (or something you should hide) and it changed for the better. Seeking out counselling might be good for you as well and post here anytime :smiley:.
Mazza x

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