Hello
I just wanted to ask for some advice on how to cope with being alone. I have tried to fill my time with things to do but there are times when I find myself talking to myself when there is only me here. My wife was always the outgoing one and though there are people around who care, it’s times when it’s dark and empty and trying to motivate myself becomes difficult. If anyone can relate to that then I would be grateful for any ideas.
Thanks
Malc
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dont think there are any solutions to being alone, we have to take it one day at a time. i have been alone for the last 18 months since hubby died and tbh i hate it. as for talking to yourslef, we all do that even when they were here, best place to get decent answers talking to yourself
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Hi @Malc39200
Yes there are times alone where i still speak to my husband. I think i always will we were together for 37 years married 35 and when he passed 4 + months ago suddenly no illness it was a shock he was 63 years just recently retired early in Feb so we could do things we planned together but on 8th June that all changed.
Dont think i can stand another 20+ years on my own if stats say i could live to 85.
I think everything is fine but then when at home alone with the silence i know it really isn’t.
Strange how empty and lonely the days nights and weekends become.
Lynne
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I fully agree. I hate the weekends…I get awful feelings come in waves. The only way i can describe this feeling is being totally empty. It’s an unbearable emptiness. Im feeling a lot worse this week due to having covid. Managed to avoid it until now…Certainly don’t know how i got it as i don’t go anywhere. Lost my husband of 54 years 5 months ago and now.most of everything is sorted out which kept me busy I’m at a loss as to what am i going to do next. I haven’t a clue. At least I’ve got my dog but he’s 17yrs now so can’t go far with him. Yes living on your own is no fun.
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Hi @Jay15
Yes dont think ill ever get used to being on my own but have no choice now.
We had just planned to enjoy retirement he was only 63 and had retired in Feb gone in June just me now 66 and who knows whats ahead now
I’d like to travel but on your own will take me a while to get used to.
Living in this house holds many good memories but all i csn remember is tge tragic event when he passed away suddenly and i could not help him that image will take time to get over.
Dont know if i ever will. I might need to move but at this time not sure. Need to give me time to consider my options.
Wherever i am i will be on my own now not something i want to have to do for the foreseeable future.
I know i am not alone everone is going through similar feelings. Hope tomorrow’s a better day. X
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Malc, I understand how you feel, I’m 8 months into this and miss Joan every second, I am amazed how she filled the house so completely with her personality and turned it into a lovely place to live, now it’s a place where I just survive.
I try to keep the house and her garden how she would have liked it but fail miserably, I miss just her presence and knowing that she’s there for her opinions and chatter, one thing I’ve found is that only we appreciate how much we miss them, even if family say they do, people come and go but we are with our wives, in some cases, 24 hours a day 7 days a week and they leave a huge hole in our lives when they go.
When I get lonely in the house I go out for a walk which I find helpful but then have to go back into an empty house, when in the company of other people they provide a degree of distraction but I am still lonely, lonely for that one specific person that cannot be there.
Sorry mate that I can’t offer you any better advice but it will improve as time passes, but I will never get used to being without her.
Vic.
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Thanks Vic, sorry for your loss. That’s exactly it. The emptiness.
Hello Malc
Feel assured you are not alone. I talk to myself daily. The quiet times I love, but the times I feel down and my mind wanders down that dark path trying to analyse why, I mentally ask myself questions and answer them out loud. Quite often I pass by the photos of my boys and depending of the frame of mind at the time, I might say hello you two but often I’ll remonstrate and tell them how sad I feel and how stupid they have been. Some days I sit on iPad or Laptop writing away, just putting down feelings is cathartic for me. What started back in March as just some words how I felt is now 40,000 words. So in essence, talk away to yourself because you are the only one that will give you clear concise answers to your endless questions. Make sure you remember who you are and be kind to yourself too 
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This is exactly how I feel too. My husband died 2years ago, very suddenly aged 66years. It is the loneliness that is unbearable. I keep busy but it is the morning and evening, it feels overwhelming and kind as friends are, they have their own lives
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I think trying to keep busy is important. Yesterday I didn’t do my usual Monday activity of going to my son’s to help him with his packing because he hadn’t slept, so I spent the day not really doing much apart from putting the hoover round and making a start on cleaning the little bedroom. Today should be better as I have much to do, off to the local history club in a bit, then my sister comes round and early evening I go off to the local micropub for the weekly quiz. It’s good to keep busy but we still have to deal with the emptiness at home. It may be practically 8 months now but still feels like yesterday and as time goes on people do seem intent on getting on with their own lives. Take care everyone Gailxx
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I’m exactly the same . The mornings are bad and the evenings pure nightmare. I talk to my dog who unfortunately is deaf. He’s 17yrs old but still going strong. It’s 6 months to the day and i feel like it’s yesterday. When does this feeling ever end. I don’t know. I think everyone on here feels the same. Maybe it does get better. Who knows.
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Hi @Jay15
Yes nearly 4.5 months for me.
It doesn’t seem to get better for me.
Today i was out joined a choir so was ok for a while. Its when i get back home to sn empty quiet house it sinks in he is gone and and not coming back. He was only 63 i am 66 now and not looking forward to spending life alone for the next years ahead. I used to love holidays travel and trips to garden centres theatre etc now on my own does not hold much point.
Maybe on time it will get better but not sure that is the case. Life is now so different and will take time to get used to l.
Take care Lynne x
Well at least you’re making an effort. Well done for that. The most i do is take my dog out 2 or 3 times a day. Not far because of his age. At first it was difficult because all the dog walkers knew my husband and asked where he was. I suppose that’s natural but now it’s a quick hello and goodbye. I go to the local shop everday as i know all the girls and have a chat but then home. I’ve got to come to a decision some time soon as to what I’m going to do with the rest of my time but at the moment haven’t a clue. Take care Jill
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