In September last year my husband passed away after 2 weeks in hospital. Although he had terminal cancer, we were led to believe by his oncologist that the palliative chemo he was receiving would give him a lot longer than was the case, as he succumbed to an infection. I have found it increasing difficult to accept that I will never see him again, or hear his voice, and have had trouble sleeping. As a result of this, I have taken to having alcohol every evening, just to get to sleep, but this is just making me feel worse. I have 2 very loving sons, but they are struggling to deal with how I am feeling at the moment and have told me I must seek help/support.
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Denpen
So very sorry for your loss big hugs,
Know how you feel lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac arrest whist he was driving
It’s so difficult without our soulmates
I try to keep busy and go walking when I feel stressed,
Take care,
Everyone is so kind on this forum as we all have lost loved ones
Sue x
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I am surprised I have not resorted to alcohol. My neighbour says she did when her husband died but just remember alcohol is a depressant and so it might help you sleep but won’t help your mood. Hugs xxx
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I’m sorry to hear of your loss,the pain for you and the rest of us is indescribable and of course it’s quite normal at times like this to want and need something to dull the pain.
I’m almost five weeks without my lovely wife and just feel trapped in this tumble drier of emotions and like you I considered having a drink or two to help,God knows why I haven’t but it doesn’t mean I may not.
I’m learning from many people on here that there is no quick fix and to me that means going through whatever is thrown at me however much it hurts. I haven’t had one day without crying like a child,I can’t believe that I will never get to do the things with my wife ever again,I keep calling the house phone to hear her voice on the recorded message,it’s complete madness but I know that if I drink too much it will get worse … sadly I’m the type where it wouldn’t be one or two drinks.
If it helps to drink and you know there will come a time when you want/need to stop then fine,we all use different ways to cope,some find medication helps,others like me drive themselves/myself into the ground keeping busy but eventually we all face one thing … the pain of loss for our loved one.
However you choose to cope I wish you the very best of support,your sons love you so maybe they are right.
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Thank you all so much for your kind words. I know I must try to take one day at a time. It’s a cliche and so hard to stick to, but I think it is the only way to get through. For all of us, the finality I feel is the most shocking thing and so, so difficult to come to terms with.
Yeh maybe they are right your sons. Can you try sort some bereavment counselling … ? You can go through your dr you know ? Lots of us in here have needed bereavment counselling you know ? Im having it at moment … helps to clear the fog xxx
Deb5
Is the coucilling helping at all ?
I have not had any ,I just chat on this forum,
But I’m 9 months in and still struggling,and I think I have Widows Fog
My husband had a cardiac arrest whist driving fortunately I was there to stop the car,
And he passed away 2 hours later in hospital,
Take care
Big hugs to you
Sue xx
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Hi @Susie3021 yes it is helping … my husband passed away 7 months ago and i was really struggling when i started it … it has helped to clear the fog tbh but it can be emotional too … worth a try if you can access it somehow ?maybe though your drs ? Xx
You can self refer on the nhs website for counselling
You can self refer on the nhs website for counselling that’s what I did and have an assessment on friday
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Deb5,
Thank you so much for the information,
Maybe worth a try as i am struggling
Take care big hugs
Sue x
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Pudding
Thank you so much for the information
Take care big hugs
Sue x
You can also access grief kind via sue ryder you know. If you google it xxx
Thank you for all your help
Take care xx
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Thought I was doing a lot better today, even cooked lunch for my brother. Just sat down and, wow, I cannot stop crying and feel my life is over without my husband.
How are we supposed to cope when we try so hard and are overcome with grief again.
Off to bed to shut out the world.
xx
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Rome 18,
So very sorry for your loss big hugs ,
Feels like a rollercoaster ride,with all the emotions to deal with,
There days I cannot believe my husband has gone,feels like a bad nightmare
Take care of yourself
Sue xx
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Thank you Sue. I just had such a meltdown out of the blue. I tried to remember his voice and couldn’t for a minute. This life is horrible and so lonely,
Sending hugs xx
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Thank you. I will look into that.
Sorry for your loss.
If its too hurtful to think you will never see you lovely husband or hear his voice again, which I too cannot handle at the moment, I just have a panic attack when I do, I have been advised to try not to think about it. I have been told its ok to push it away for a while until you can cope with those thoughts.
I’m trying hard to do this but its not easy.
Maybe have a word with your doctor - mine has been really good.
Perhaps there is a group of people suffering a loss locally who you could meet with or find a counsellor.
I have found a counsellor, (I’m very sceptical about counsellors) and whether or not I shall like her or it will do me any good is another thing but I’ve booked one session.
Best wishes
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