Coping with loss of child

Losing a child
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Can anyone offer me any advice how they coped with loss. I lost my son two weeks ago, he was only 2 years old.
This is ripping me apart, I can’t really speak to my wife for fear of upsetting her further.

If anyone of you can just list down anything you did that helped you through the grief, anything at all no matter how silly it may sound.

I’m trying to find a few child bereavement groups etc but it weeks / months before I can be linked to someone in a similar situation.

I really can’t wait that long so if anyone can help me out it would be appreciated

Thank you

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Hiya Dac - so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s devastating. I just want to say you will get support on here. It’s been a life line for me through some dark times since my daughter died. It’s very early days and you must be in a state of shock and overwhelmed. Just get through an hour or a day at a time, that’s good enough. We do ‘get it’ cos it’s happened to us. It can help a bit to be able to talk to others and share feelings and grief. I send you all kind wishes and respect xxxxx

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Hi

Thanks for the reply

Yes I’ve has a few people mention to try talking about my son, feelings etc, it’s something I’m finding extremely hard at the moment as talking about him is causing flashbacks. I was the one who found him and I can’t get the image out of my head.

I don’t know everyone circumstances but do any of you suffer flashbacks, if so how did you manage it ?

Thank you

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I found my daughter, I thought she was asleep. I know some people get comfort from trying to talk to your child and if it helps a bit that’s great. If not tho you don’t have to make yourself do it. It didn’t work for me but everybody’s different. I find it too painful to look at pictures of my girl, some people find it really comforting. Everyone’s different, be kind to yourself, you are quite likely traumatised and have lost your child, that’s an awful lot to bear. Just getting out of bed and making a cup of tea was a challenge for me for many months. You don’t have to deal with everything quickly, grief just takes time. It hurts. Some of what people say on here will resonate with you and some not but I have found a lot of wise mums and dads on here and learnt a lot. The other thing that helped me is Compassionate Friends, they are really good and it’s mums and dads like us. They are excellent. Best wishes xxx

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I don’t get flashbacks where I see a picture of how she looked or the medical stuff but I do get emotional flashbacks where I feel those feelings of fear, hopelessness, anguish etc just like on the night. I think a lot of people who lose a child have flashbacks. I think it was those feelings that were so powerful that made me realise I had trauma too. So the good news is how you are feeling is ‘normal’ in the scheme of feelings when you lose a child. It felt to me like I’d never felt such pain and I was overwhelmed and felt everything escalated out of control and I just felt panic and anger and love and it all seemed surreal. Shock and trauma. It felt impossible to believe and yet frighteningly true. I felt helpless. It 11 months ago and somehow I’ve got through. Somehow we do. For me it’s been and is therapeutic and everyone ‘gets it’. We support each other. Xxxx

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Sorry, I was so full of my story I forgot to say what helped. I got antidepressants from my GP. Guided meditations on YouTube. Talking to one or two solid friends who let me ramble on and didn’t give me advice unless I asked for it and cared. Counselling was a long wait but helping me untangle some of the trauma so I can grieve. Compassionate Friends got me a Grief Companion and they run retreats and support groups and are very very kind people who have lost a child too. They also send a whole pile of information and some hope. That’s what started the first teeny tiny steps to get me off the floor. Everyone is different and something that doesn’t work now, might suit you later. Getting out for a walk in a green space is another thing. Staying in bed under the duvet is fine too if you have the chance and feel like it. Xxxx

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I’m sorry to hear your story, it was the same for me, I thought my son was asleep.

The reply’s I’ve had have helped, this is exactly what I need someone to tell me the ways they have managed to cope.

It seems your strategies have helped you out a lot, I’ll take onboard what you have said and try them out. I’ll also contact Compassionate Friends.

Thank you xx

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Hi Dave

Please try and talk to your wife she will understand your pain more than anyone.
I could not have got through losing our daughter at 22 with out my Geoff. We cried together and helped each other in the dark days and it made us closer than ever xxx