My husband’s funeral was three days ago. Our family have now left and I’m alone. I’m scared of being alone, of being lonely. I’ve lost confidence because my rock, my soul mate, the love of my life for over 43 years has gone. I can’t see an end to this overwhelming grief. Our sons and their families are amazing and very supportive, but I still feel like half a person, a gooseberry almost when around everyone else. I lost my brother four weeks before my husband died and I haven’t been able to grieve for him because I’m so consumed with grief for my husband. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. Can anyone reading this give me some peace of mind for the future.
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Its been 18 days since I lost my husband of 44 years. I’m just going through the motions, doing what I need to do. Like you my sons have been brilliant but they have their own lives and I want them to enjoy their lives. Its worrying when I see posts from people who lost their partners 1 or even 2 years ago and still suffering. I am trying not to look that far ahead. Just keep taking one day at a time. My first hope is to stop reliving that fateful day. That would help me a lot. xx
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Thanks for commenting Debsie. I thought exactly the same, so many posts from people still suffering, really hard to look forward when you read these. I do hope, that in the not too distant future, you can stop reliving that day and hopefully find a future that’s not so painful xx
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Just reading your message made me think how I feel now. My darling husband died in May 2023 so it’s amazingly been 17 months.
It’s still incredibly painful but I’m surprised to say it’s not as bad as the beginning stage like you are now. It’s like the pain is familiar now, more gentle and not all consuming. My brain is learning to live with the loss.
So it does get better. Take each 5 minutes, each hour, each day one at a time. Your life will be very different but the pain will be less raw and you will have beautiful glimmers in your life again xx
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Katy, you have had 2 major losses in a very short period of time. There is no reason for you to feel anything but grief.
It is going to go this way for a long time, but I promise that in 18 months you will be in a different place mentally. You will learn that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. Living alone is what happens because we have no choice, do we? Being lonely is really just missing our partners and not having them to share everything with everyday. Even in a group, we are lonely - for them.
It is way too early for you to even think about getting better and healing from your devastating losses. But, it will happen, it won’t physically hurt so much, the anguish will lessen and yes ma’am, there is a light at the end of this dark, scary tunnel.
We will all get there in our own time. Meanwhile, keep putting one foot in front of the other and expect only small victories such as grocery shopping for one, accepting a visitor for tea, having your hair done.
I have written this before, but this is how I handle life now. Five things at a time. I make a list of 5 things to accomplish each day and mark them off as I complete each task. At the end of the day, I have done 5 things, at the end of the week I have done 35 things. Often my lists include vacuum the rugs, unpack the dishwasher, do a load of laundry and put it away, sweep the steps, mail 2 thank you cards - nothing huge. Sometimes, it is to decide on 5 things that can go to charity and put them in the car, or 5 things that can be tossed as useless. Five minutes sorting, cleaning a bathroom, etc.
It’s all I have at the moment.
Much love from New Orleans.
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Thank you so much for your help xx
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Thank you, its so good to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel xx
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I’m sorry to read about your loss. I’m not sure if this will help but it has made my days a little better. Its 5 months since my husband died. I have changed something in every room in the house. I changed the position of the dining table where my husband sat reading his paper so i dont see the empty space. We were buying new furniture having just decorated so he never sat on the settee i now have. I bought new bedding so the bedroom is slightly different. Little things that mean im not sat looking at an empty space. It wont work for everyone as everyone copes differently — but i thought id share a little of what is helping me.
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Maltom, those are great suggestions. Small changes in each room helps take the sting of memories away.
Much love.
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