Coping with loss of stepfather

At the age of 10 (now 28) after having no relationship with biological father I was extremely blessed my stepfather came into my life and raised me as his own.
5 months ago, flying back home from a buisiness trip he suffered a heart attack on board the aircraft. After diverting into Oman he passed away in the ambulance. It was an absolute shock to us all as he has never been ill in his life and is fit and healthy.
It was a very hard time and as I work as cabin crew for an airline I was signed off work for 3 months.
5 months on I’m still finding it hard to adjust. As an only child I feel a lot of responsibility towards my mum and guilty when I’m away with work, and in my gerneral day to day life.
partner and friends have been supportive, but feel like they expect me to go back to “normal.” I feel very bitter and resentful for people who have exciting things happening in their life (promotions, pregnancies, engagements etc)
Found some close friends were not as there for me as I thought they would be so can feel quite angry.
Life has come to a massive standstill. Can’t see my future without my dad in my life.
Lash out at my partner a lot as we are not married and upset that my dad will not be there to walk me down the isle, or have the joys of grandchildren.

Hi Jodie,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your stepfather, who was like a dad to you. All the emotions that you have described are very common parts of grief. It is important to be kind to yourself, and to find some outlets where you can talk about your feelings.

I’m glad that you’ve found this community, but sorry to see you didn’t get any replies to your post. By replying now, I’m bumping it up to the top of the list, where hopefully some more people will see it and reply.

You might also find it helpful to read and reply to some other posts from people who’ve lost a parent, for example:

Joey posted My dad was my world

Angela23 posted Lost my mum suddenly

I’m sorry to hear that people are expecting you to go back to normal, and that you are feeling angry with them. Unfortunately, it is common to find that people who haven’t been through the same experiences don’t really understand how long grief takes. It can help to be as honest as possible with your partner and friends about how you are feeling and how they can support you. If there are people who are still unsupportive no matter how you explain it, it is ok to take a step back and focus on spending time with people who support you - the most important thing is to look after yourself.

Hi! I’m sorry for your loss and hopeing you feel a lot better now than what you did!

Two days ago I lost my stepfather and it feels that my whole world is shattered. He has been there for me for 15 years or a little longer.
My partner gave birth to my first child four months ago and my stepfather became a grandad for the first time.
I think the what kills me the most is that he never had kids before and seeing his face when he was told he was going to be a grandad was priceless and he loved every minute of it. Now that he’s passed away when my little girl is only four months old he is going to miss out on everything and just looking at my little girl brings me to tears because he’d had loved her growing up.
At the moment I just don’t know what to do, everyone has been so supportive but I cover my feelings up so people know I’m doing well but secretly I’m not!

I share your feelings to a certain degree

Hi Jodie - just checking in to see how you are? I lost my mother’s partner on 29th September (they were together for 23 years) to heart problems and I am also an only child (I’m 29) and feel the guilt and responsibility weighing heavily upon me too. X

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