Coping with loss

I feel empty
I lost my dad on the 24th November.

My dad has been battling bowel and liver cancer for 2 years now, he had 5 rounds of radiotherapy and 24/25 ish rounds of chemotherapy and target therapy. It’s been really hard for all of us but especially him obviously but he always stayed positive and even in unbearable pain was making us laugh with his silly comments.
He had an operation to remove the bowel tumour after finding out his liver cancer had completely gone from the chemo, initially being 10 ish small lumps. The operation went wrong, he was in more pain and after being discharged from the NHS for a few days had to be rushed in to another operation as his stitches had split and revealed his bowel. This second surgery went much better and he made a recovery after a few weeks on a ward and came home.
A few days later he had to go back after an infection was found in his scar. While being in the ward he was told he was cancer free! He’d beaten it after being told he’d probably die.
Thursday afternoon me and my mum went to see him for a few hours and he was his normal self. About 10 o’clock at night the same day we had a phone call that he’d taken a turn. When we arrived he was gone. No one knows yet what went wrong.
Seeing his body laying in a hospital bed by himself was horrible, his colour has gone, his mouth was slightly open same with his eyes. After 2 years of fighting cancer he died from something else, which just feels… wrong

I keep seeing that image, We feel so empty and scared and angry, it doesn’t seem real.

I’ve been hugging his shirt he had in hospital feeling so guilty that he was alone when he died. The shirt still smells of him.
I can’t help but feel so angry towards the NHS for taking him from us, the entire 2 years has been mistake after mistake and infection after infection, he had to have 6 PIC lines put in because they kept getting infected which is just horrible care on their part. The past month before he died was traumatic seeing him in agony and his body writhe in pain, I can never forgive the NHS for this.


Hello @Tomzh,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. It sounds like you went through so much together and you are understandably deeply affected by it.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

If you would like to make a complaint about your dad’s treatment, this page outlines what steps to go through. You don’t have to do this alone, you can get the support of an advocate to help you. The Voiceability website explains more about how can advocate can support you in making a complaint.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you and you can reach out for more support should you wish to. Take good care and keep reaching out,


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Thank you very much, I will take a look at these resources. Thank you for the message

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