I’m confident you will find the inner strength tomorrow. I felt just like you beforehand but it just came from somewhere. I remember on the day saying to my four kids that their mother would have been absolutely devastated to think she had done something to make them sad and cause them distress. I also took some strength from that thought.
I visited my wife in the funeral parlour on the afternoon before the funeral. I think I’m glad I did. I think you just clarified how I then felt about it. I was in absolutely no doubt that she wasn’t there.
Yes, I didn’t even talk to him, there was no point. I kissed him but I was only kissing a cold empty shell. I feel much closer to him at home. In fact, as I’ve said before, I carry him around on my shoulder and I chat to him wherever I am. I feel he’s with me…
It’s not easy. Keep your wife’s photo in your pocket next to your heart …you can say farewell to your dear aunt for both of you. Deep breaths, big hankie, forced smile…you can do this. X
Thanks Kate I also went to the funeral parlour. Denise wasn’t there I did cry seeing her in cath kidston pyjamas her only vice. With her dressing gown and Wookey socks. That’s when she felt most relaxed. I kissed her but she was in a better place.
Thanks. I think you are right. My wife and my aunt always hit it off. My aunt had her first heart attack on the day my wife had her first brain operation and I know the two things were related. The were both amazing women.
Be strong mate and keep your kids close they wil help you more than you think. I’m from Northern Ireland and we do things a little differently my wife died on 2nd July and her funeral was on the 6th of July so you don’t get much time to think about things the whole week was a blur. Please take care and watch out for the days after the funeral they hit me like a ton of bricks.
Thinking of you William
Cheers William, a post mortom kept things waiting. I started so positively this morning now I’m a wreck.
Stevie, I can’t add much to what the wise people here have said, but can I just suggest that you don’t compare yourself to how other people are coping? This is YOUR process, and it sounds very very normal (if there even is such a thing) to me - even though I appreciate that nothing feels normal at this time, or is likely to do so for some time. There is nothing wrong with how you’re dealing with this. I’l be thinking of you as you go through Denise’s funeral, mate. And I agree with the other poster who cautioned you about the days following the funeral - for me also, these were so much worse. You will do your Denise proud wherever you’re at.
Take the best care that you can,
Louise
Thank you xx
We’re thinking of you this morning, Stevie, and of Denise.
Thank you so much xx
Hi. I am in the same position and have my wife’s funeral on Thursday 22nd. I do not know what to do with myself and spend all day in tears. Been married for 38 years and at 58 years old she was too young. Don’t know what I am going to do. Tried contacting Cruse at 2 locations but not a single answer. Feel alone.
Good luck for today. Please let me know how it was bearing in mind I will be doing the same in a couple of days. Gary.
This Sue Ryder site provides an online bereavement counselling service. May be of help to you. I wish you strength and love to see you through. Xx
Hi. Thanks very much, really appreciated. Gary.
Hi I am Simon I am so sorry for your loss it is so so hard I lost the love of my life on the first of July this year to sepsis. I know how you are feeling I cry every day. Debbie was only 53 years old and we were getting married on the 5 of march next year. We will never get over our loss we will just learn to live with it. I sometimes think I am ever going to get over the loss. They say it gets easier as time goes on. Just remember our loved ones would not want us to be sad that is what I tell myself.
I know how it feels to lose the love of your life like you have. This is the thing every one says time is a healer but is it I can’t see how time will make me miss her less. But as you say my wife like yours would be so angry at me being this upset all the time. The funeral went as well as I could hope the church was packed and I managed to read the tribute I’d written only because she was besides me. Only the last sentence cause me to lose it. But that made me feel so good that I managed it. The burial site was cold but lots of people made the trip. Then the wake went well a big screen showed photos of us together the grand children. But I must say the venue went out of there way to make us celebrate her life. She would have been proud of the kids and myself. And I’m so tired now but content tomorrow I might be back to crying again and sobbing but for tonight she’s with me and I will see her again. Don’t fear the funeral try to make it good for you and your wife your family laugh at her funny moments forget the sad ones for the day. Over the past 3 months with the hospital I have only beaten myself with bad memories but today I remembered some good ones. I miss her so much its painful but tonight she is happy. And with me x
I don’t think we can expect to heal. It’s not like an illness or injury. What we probably need to do is learn how to live with the fact that we will not heal and we may need to learn how to live with that. We will just go forward carrying our grief with us and it may feel lighter sometimes.
Good man.