I joined this forum as I’m struggling to process the death of my lovely Gran in January this year. We were so unbelievably close, she was like a parent to me. She went into hospital with an eye infection but various gross failings meant that she ended up passing away.
The hospital started an internal investigation due to the care she received, and I submitted a formal complaint to the Trust. It was Gran’s inquest a few weeks ago and the coroner concluded a verdict of “natural causes contributed to by neglect”, which was horrific to hear but also what I’ve been fighting for since she passed away.
Now, after all of the bureaucracy is over with, I’m finding it really difficult to stop thinking about the way she was treated in those final weeks of her life. We weren’t even able to visit her due to covid restrictions at the time, and I can’t get over the fact that we couldn’t be there for her.
Has anybody else had a similar experience in their bereavement, and if so, were there places you could turn to for support? I’ve had 6 sessions with a lovely counsellor from Sue Ryder, and am now seeing a private counsellor, which does help. But it would be good to know if there are forums / groups etc specifically focusing on losing a loved one due to clinical negligence, and how to process this?
Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Gran.
I have searched the internet and unfortunately cannot find any groups or forums for your specific topic. Have you considered contacting the Citizens Advice to see if they know of any groups or forums that you could join?
I apologise I cannot be of further help but do hope that you can eventually find a group or forum.
Hi,
So sorry for your loss. I understand how you are feeling because my partner passed away in hospital at the end of March this year. He was in for two & a half weeks & the care he received was shocking. The last 24 hours of his life were horrendous. I was only allowed to visit him for an hour a day & fortunately I was with him at the end but I have the haunting images of him having an internal bleed which led to a cardiac arrest. I have put a complaint in with the Trust but the replys are very vague & the apologies they give don’t mean anything as they are just routine. I have no answers for you as to where to get help as I am struggling with this on my own. I tried counseling but it didn’t work for me. I have family but I don’t want to hurt them by telling them the haunting details. I hope you find the help you need.
Take care
Net xx
Thanks so much for your message. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner, it’s truly shocking and just beyond comprehension how this lack of care (to put it mildly) can even happen.
Like you, I have family around but I can’t share the details with them either. I just want to protect them from what it says in the internal investigation report as it’s just so horrendous. Once you’ve read something, or in your case, seen something so awful, you can’t get it out of your head.
At least we can share on here which does help in some way, I think. And it sounds like we’ve both done everything we can in terms of complaining and trying to point out their failures, which isn’t easy at a time like this.
It’s not easy & every time I reply to a response from them it takes 5 or 6 weeks for them to answer me. The letters that come back never really fully answer my questions as they are covering their backs all the time. I don’t think I will get anywhere with it but I keep trying even though it is upsetting having to go over it again & again. You have probably had a similar experience yourself. I was shocked by how uncaring & unprofessional a lot of the staff were in the hospital it really opened my eyes as to how bad things are. You just think that all patients would be given the best possible care & sadly this is not so.
Net xx
I totally understand your frustrations Net. My complaint response was delayed 3 times which moved the inquest date twice, which was so upsetting. The Patient Experience Team who were supposed to make the process easier actually made it worse as I had to chase them all the time for updates. Have you had anything to do with the Patient Experience Team at your Trust? You might already have done this, but I think you can find support with complaints through your local Healthwatch: https://www.healthwatch.co.uk
I hope you get some answers soon, and I know it’s easier said than done but I hope you’re being kind to yourself. It takes a lot out of you to push back against hospital failings when you’re already grieving, so I hope you can find something to help you work through the heaviness xx
Thank you for the information. I have got an advocate but to be honest I might as well do things myself as she can’t actually advise me on anything. I will have a look at the link you have sent & thank you again for that. You be kind to yourself too it’s a long hard journey that we are on. xx
