Several of us have touched on this in our posts but I am at a loss trying to cope with this added distress now.
I lost Ian suddenly 15 months ago after being together for over 40 years. To me it seems like yesterday and I still feel the same.My life ended when his did but I have tried to keep old friendships as well as foster new ones.
Sadly, despite all their promises of help and understanding, they are just drifting out of my life. They are too busy or just don’t reply to my texts. Perhaps I’ve told them too much about how I’m feeling or perhaps I’m just not a nice person to be with.
All I know is that it’s like a second ‘loss’. Obviously nothing comes any where near to what happened to Ian and our life together but, do these people not realise the upset and distress they cause by their actions.
Sorry to go on, I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m not sleeping etc so thought I’d contact my GP online, only to see the message wait until Monday appear. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back!
Trixie1 I’m so sorry you feel abandoned by your friends, don’t for one minute your not nice to be around, you come across as a lovely caring person on here.
Your right in that people don’t see the distress they cause, they do not understand what it’s like to lose someone of significant importance in our lives, I’m afraid only those who walk-in our shoes know how devastated we are every single minute of the day.
I never bothered with friends just me Marti and our boys. After a few months when Marti died I couldn’t stand being in our home, I made friends from a local friendship group, I found it hard trying to mix as I have a deep sadness that is constantly there at the pit of my stomach. Then I just went out there to meet people from Wayup, we met every couple of weeks, but I couldn’t cope, was suicidal for many weeks I had counselling but still I was in a very dark place, none of these people text, only one person does, but I let her down last weekend as I was deeply sad.
Do you have a local bereavement group, I joined one only went a few times, sometimes I click with people and sometimes I don’t.
Would you like to do volunteer work, it doesn’t matter how old you are.
I was thinking of doing an art course at college, but that’s as far as I got.
There’s nothing wrong in feeling sorry for yourself, I do it a lot and I expect a lot of bereaved people do, because we have lost the best person who was our life.
Sending you a hug Trixie1
I think it all constantly changes I lost my husband just over a year ago and although my friends have been amazing they’re all getting on with their lives and I’m left feeling at a loss at what to do, I can fill my life with activity but it’s not about that, I’m floundering to where I fit and there’s no joy in doing things with others when all I want is to have my husband back as it used to be and I suppose I’m just accepting that this is now my lot in life, I don’t expect any answers as I know there is no solution I have to find my own way but it sure is a hard plod, thoughts to everyone at this difficult time x
Hi . This life / exsistence is so hard and devastating . Thinking of the lovely happy life we had with our partners . I really don’t know how we keep on keeping on . I still go to work , only because bills still have to be paid . I still have family living with me so I am not alone but still very lonely for my husband . We didn’t have friends so I suppose that’s one good thing for me . I am not having to deal with the hurt of being abandoned by them . Sending love and strength to help us through every heartbreaking day . Xtake carex
I found “our” friends harder to deal with, as if without my husband, they didn’t know how to cope with me. The friends I had that were just mine have been much better.
The others said “you know where we are if you need anything “ but never called. What do these people think that means? When you’re grieving it’s very hard to contact people to ask to see them, to tell them you’re struggling and need support. I find now, 8 months on, that I’m letting those “friends” drift away. I don’t have the energy to chase them and don’t feel I should have to.
I hope I’ll be a better friend if the situation arises for a friend of mine in the future.
You are worthy of time and effort by genuine people, it’s just our reality that at times like this we find out who those genuine ones are.
Hi Flossy 3
My sentiments exactly
Lost Paul 24th July 2022 and that day too lost ‘me’
Struggling big time ….
That day his life was taken and so was mine
You certainly do find out who your friends are …… it’s been 10 long weeks hopefully our friends will stick by me for however long
But there’s only a few now!
Struggling big time