Coping with Pre Bearevement


New here but desperate to find others to chat to who know how i am feeling. My husband has been hugely supportive but I find it hard on a day to day basis for him to understand why i feel so sad all the time. It makes me feel so alone. I dont want to share my pre grief with friends as i feel like its all i talk about. I dont feel like I can talk to my mum as she is about to lose a husband, i just feel a bit lost and alone in it all. Everyone is carrying on with their daily lives but i feel like i have thos big grey cloud over mine.

My Dad was diagnosed terminal with a horrible disease called idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis in Feb, after having the disease since 2019. It is so sad to watch him struggle on a daily basis and i just need some one else to talk too who is experiencing this all consuming feeling of sadness for myself, but also my dad for the life he has been deprived of, for my mum, who should be off cruising around the world with Dad enjoying their retirement. I feel so sad, angry, guilty I cant do more and just so overwhelmed and out of control.

Has anyone found any good day to day strategies to help with this or is it just a situation I have to get through?

Help, a very sad daughter, wishing she didnt have to watch her Daddio go through this.


Hello @SparkyK, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry your dad is terminally ill. Sadly, many of our members have lost someone to a terminal illness and will understand some of what you are going through.

We have a support page on anticipatory grief / pre-bereavement, which you might find helpful or comforting to read.

Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted you to know that you have been heard and you are not alone.


Have you tried Macmillion nurses , because you need to know what finance needs you need. I think they would help you with that.Most Hospital that have cancer care have them in the hospital.As I say take all the help you are offered…my thoughts are with you but don’t forget to take care of yourself as well.

“or is it just a situation I have to get through?”
yes I am afraid.

as best you can and love on your dad and mom like crazy. take it from me, one day these days are just memories and you will be happy you did the best you could.


You don’t say whether he is at home or a hospice - I would think a hospice as he would need extensive oxygen therapy in the final stages.
But if he is at home, contact hospice, palliative care team and district nurse team.

My partner died at home of terminal cancer and my biggest concern was that she wasn’t in any pain, or the pain was managed as best as possible
The end of life medication needs to be in place and set up in advance and district nurses avaible to administer additional dosing as and when required, once he is unable to take medication orally.

The end of life process is brutal in of itself - you don’t want him to be in unnecessary pain on top of it.

Wishing you all the strength you need during this time😞

@SparkyK I’m afraid nothing can prepare you for the shock yet to come except to appreciate everything about your Dad. Saying the things you want to say, being there, remembering all those little things that you struggle to recall after. My Dad’s been dead 24 weeks & I wish I could go back just to say how much I was gonna miss him. I put too much energy into worrying he’d die & he did anyway. Take care of yourself


Hi honey,

my dad passed away from lung cancer 2 years ago when i was 22, when he was diagnosed the doctor said he had 2 years to live and he passed right on the dot of that 2 year time frame.

my mom was his main caregiver as he lost pretty much all his weight and became skin and bones, he suffered alot.

losing him was definitely the hardest day of my life and honestly there is nothing you can do to prepare for it no matter how much time you have left. this will be incredibly hard, the only way through grief is time and it’s so painful, but you and your mom will find strength through it, i hope you have a lot of family and friends to support you, if not we are here to talk to you and be there for you as well even if it’s not physically

sending you lots of love and strength :heart:

also cherish every second you have with him like it is your last, that i think is every persons wish on here, is that we could go back and somehow do it better, spend more time or say things we didn’t end up saying. i did spend alot of time at home with my dad when he was diagnosed because i knew i had limited time, but man, if i could go back, i would spend even more time with him, those 2 years felt like a blink of an eye when it was over

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