My dear Mum passed away suddenly almost 3 weeks ago, She was ill in hospital and the day before she passed, the doctor rang to tell me what was wrong with her. But although he doubted she would get better, he said she ‘wasn’t on the way out immently, and no need to rush up there to see her again, the 1 hour visiting time next day should be fine…’ It wasn’t. She died before I could get there. Even the nurse who rang me said it was a surprise.
Unfortunately I am off work with long term illness so I do have too much time at home alone but I keep busy at least in the mornings. But I get waves of what I can only call disbelief and shock and denial. I know there are stages of grief to go through and two bereavement counsellors say it is too soon to have counselling. I am not coping and there are times I want to join my Mum…
Dear Sue1961
I am so sad to read your post. My dad died in 2010. I did not make it to the hospital to say goodbye and certainly myself and my brother and sister had no idea the end was coming so soon. My dad had a lung disease so we were not allowed to visit if we had even a cold so I did not see him the three days leading up to his death and relied on the nurses and family giving me updates. Me and my dad were really close - similiar in personality - and for a long time I felt guilt for not seeing him before he died. I cannot really pinpoint the time when things eased but eventually it did. I still think of him but the pain is not as great.
You do not mention if you have family of your own. All I can say is that if you have others that love you please do not leave them with more heartache. I can understand how the time spent alone adds to your grief. My husband died at the start of the second lockdown. I was alone and frightened in our little bungalow. The first time I had ever had to live alone in my whole life and I am 61. I am not ashamed to say that I rang the Samaritans on several occasions and found them a great support. Please try and draw a good support network around you and do not be afraid to share your feelings.
Take care.
Hi sue 1961, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, its totally devastating isn’t it, I too lost my dear mum on July 10th this year, I cared for her at home for the last 6 weeks, I’m at such a loss, I feel guilty she isn’t here, angry she went so quickly, life is so cruel sometimes, I feel like a little girl that’s so lost & I’m 58 I know I’ll never be the same person since she passed away, I miss her so much it’s so hard I totally understand about the waves of emotions, one minute you think your doing ok, then BAM! I just wobble, people say you get through it but I don’t know how, it’s a tough emotional rollercoaster, talking on here helps to know your not alone, I hope your doing ok, keep messaging on here, thinking of you,
Lynn x
I lost my Dad just over 6 months ago. Most days I am ok but at least once a week it hits me that I won’t ever see his face or hear his laugh again. Every time it’s like a knife through your heart. The thing which keeps me going is that I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad. It’s so hard knowing all the things he is missing out on now. He loved life and had so much left to give. When the end is sudden it is really hard to process that the loved one is truly gone. I think you have to be gentle with yourself and realise that this grief will take a long time to settle. Life changes forever and that takes time to adjust to.
Thank you xx I do have 2 grownup daughters. I never usually hear from them much and they live a long way from me. But my eldest has been in touch a fair bit. My youngest says she can’t talk to me about it yet, and I accept that’s her way of dealing with it but I’m hurt she won’t talk to me.
The funeral is 23rd so I’m hoping to feel better after that maybe.
Dear Sue1961
I will be thinking of you on 23rd.
Take care.
Sheila