Coping with the death of a loved one

On Saturday, 20th May, we set off to have lunch out, and buy a present for my husband’s birthday on 21st. We ate at Sainsburys and then, for some extraordinary reason, took the elevator down, which was something we never did. A t the bottom, my husband fell backwards onto his head. He had a massive brain bleed and died last Thursday. I had been sleeping at the hospital and was able to be with him when he died. I cannot describe my feelings now. We had been married for 66 years, and I am devastated. I am staying with my son but will have to go home sooner or later. I feel as if I have nothing to go on for but would never consider taking my own life as it would hurt our lovely family. We have two sons, two daughters, fourteen grandchildren and six great grandchildren. Please can anyone tell me how to cope with this. We were always together, Bill and I, and I am lost.

Hi Virgo im sorry for your loss .My advice is this take it 1 day at a time dont try to plan if you dont have to .Try have some me time because your nightmare will patiently wait for you to return to it.Your brain and heart need a break to continue through this.Maybe visit your gp re medication (im on medication it helps me ).Also your gp can put you on a waiting list to see Cruse Bereavement (i had to wait 3 months ).Dont be a stranger on here keep coming back to this special club Colin (im 57 a virgo my wife died 04032016 on her 41st birthday

Oh virgo, I am so sorry for your loss. I think Colin has offered some very good words of wisdom

Thank you, Colin, and please accept my sympathy on the loss of your wife at such a young age. At the moment I am living under a dark cloud, and cannot imagine how I will come to terms with losing my husband. We were always together and I feel as if I have lost everything worthwhile. Although he was 87 and I am nearly 86, we still had a few plans. I will keep posting on here because it might offer some comfort.

Thank you for your message. Colin has indeed offered some wise words.

Two months gone by and I feel worse than ever. I hate staying indoors, can’t eat or sleep and just wish I could go and join my husband. We would have been married for 66 years in July so you can imagine how devastated I am. I have not yet dreamed about him and cannot visualize what he looked like before he died. It is almost as if he has been completely wiped out. The pain is unbearable. I moved into a smaller flat but cannot find any peace at all. If only I could fall asleep and not wake up again. How long does this terrible nightmare last?

Dear Virgo. I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. , My son died in an accident on the 4th May and like you mylife has been a living hell from that day to this, I dread each day and am grateful when it is over. I just try to get through each day and no more. Each day is filled with pain and tears and I wish I was with my boy but I have a husband and two other children who love me just like your family love you. My mum passed away last year as well but I know that her and my son are now together and I know they would want me to carry on. I know I will see them again, I hate this new life that I have not chosen and the pain is almost unbearable some days, but I will always love my son and his death will never change that.
I write him a letter every day and light a candle next to his photo every night, it is part of a routine that I now do and this is my preparation for sleep. I had been told that these little rituals help and they are now part of me trying to cope.
Please take care of yourself and remember, one day at a time.
Janet

Dear Janet, I cannot even imagine what it must be like, losing a son or daughter, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I have two sons and two daughters, and pray that they all outlive me. They are the reason why I would not take my own life. It would be dreadful for them, even though I say a little prayer each night that I will go to sleep and not wake up again to this nightmare. At least my husband had 87 years of life. We did everything together and now, when I see elderly couples hand in hand, I want to scream at them. Isn’t that dreadful? I am trying to take one day at a time as it comes, and am going to Bournemouth to stay with my daughter for a few days. Hopefully the trip will help to re-charge my batteries a bit. Best wishes. Eileen

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Dear Ellen
I do not think it matters how old a person is or how they died, the loss is still the same as is the pain. My mum passed away last year at the age of 79 and I still miss her everyday as well as my son. I agree that I would not take my own life but the gift my son has left with me is that I no longer fear my death, when it comes I will be glad as it means I get to be with my boy and my mum and maybe because I no longer fear death one day I will learn to live again too. It is early days for us both, time will not heal but it will help us to come to terms with our loss. Your family must worry about you. My friends and family are fantastic but cannot really have any real understanding of what I, my husband and our other children are going through, this is why I use websites like this as I know that the people on here really know how I feel.
Take care and have a good break
Love
Janet

Dear Ellen… All your sad feelings of grief and missing your husband are the process of what we have all gone through trying to deal with grief, don’t try and fight it, talk to your family how you feel, holding your feelings inside does not help, try to remember all the good times you both had… I wish I could give you advice that would take your pain away. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, whatever your doing just be kind to yourself… I too lost my partner 3rd August 2016 this past week has been terrible, but am trying to get back to a better place again… Have a lovely time in Bournemouth, I was there at the weekend as my mum lives in Westbourne… Take care Mo xx

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Dear Janet. Thank you once again for your message. I feel the same as you about my own death. To me, it will simply mean that I will see my beloved husband again and we will be together. Yes, my family worry about me but they know that I have always been a very strong person and will come through this somehow. They have been very supportive. Thank goodness for these websites where you can open up and talk about how you feel. It does help. Kind regards, Eileen

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Dear Mo, thank you for responding to my message on here. I’m sorry about your loss, and can understand how you must have felt on the first anniversary. There are no words suitable to describe this awful feeling when you have lost the love of your life. I am lucky to have a large family to support me but when they aren’t around, I feel totally alone and lost. My late husband was not one for chatting but he was there, and now he is not. I am trying to live for each day and, hopefully, there will come a time when the overwhelming longing to see him will not be so dreadful. We have to go on for the sake of our other loved ones, and talking to others on this site is a great help. Kind regards. Eileen

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