Coping with the death of my husband

Hello. My husband, Jeff, died at the end of July aged 90. I am 22 years his junior and I had been his carer for a long time as he was suffering from dementia and Parkinsons amongst other things. When he first died I felt relief that he was out of pain and was safe and I also enjoyed my new found freedom but I’m now finding it increasingly difficult to cope as my grief really seems to have kicked in.

I am hoping that maybe talking to others going through the same thing would help me.

Hi Jacque, I’m so sorry about the death of your husband, I lost me husband a few years ago from cancer, and like you, I initially felt relief that he was no longer in pain and was at peace, but of course that phase passes and the reality of the situation kicks in, it’s part of the grieving process, you have to take a day at a time and it will get easier, I’m a few years down the line, and although I still miss him dreadfully , I get out walking with my dogs daily, they have been my saviour, as have my various hobbies, sending love and hugs xx

Hi Jude. Did you get a reply from me earlier or have I just deleted it!

I think you may have deleted it !! Easily done xx

Oh dear. I thought as much!

I’m so sorry for your loss too and thank you for your kind and wise words. When I have my sensible head on I know it will get easier and I’ll learn to live with it.

I’m also trying to get out for a walk everyday but I’m a fine weather walker so I don’t always make it.

I really thought I was doing so well at coping but then after about 9 weeks wham bam and I seem to be stuck in the middle of a meltdown which I just can’t shake off. I know time will help but that thought’s not helping at the moment! COVID’s not helping as a virtual hug just isn’t the same as the real thing! Take care and thanks again.

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Dear Jacqui, I’m so sorry for your loss and I understand what you say about your grief. My wife died suddenly just over 5 months ago and for me the pain of grief has just become more intense as the months have past. Of course grief affects everyone in different ways and your journey will be unique to you, and although I feel worse every month, I live in the hope it will turn a corner eventually. In the meantime you should do as I do and take life one day at a time.
Take care, AL x

Oh Al. The grief we go through can so destructive. I thought it would get better in time, not worse! Thank you for your very sound advice. Jeff only died in late July so it’s still early days yet but it’s reassuring to know that what I’m going through is normal.

Take care. Jacqui

Yes Jacqui, that’s the beauty of this site, not only are you among people who totally understand your grief, but you realise your strange feelings and actions are quite normal under these circumstances.
If you haven’t seen it already, can I suggest reading the first post in “What have I learnt” which was posted recently.

Thank you, Al. I will read that.