I’ve just found out that my mum’s now on palliative care and we only have a few weeks left with her. It’s been an absolute whirlwind since diagnosis a few months ago. I’m scared, helpless and so damn angry. My family are very close and we are rallying around each other but, I don’t know what to expect, what to say to be comforting. How to be when the time comes. Life sucks
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Hi
I’m so very sorry to hear of this. I don’t know what to say that helps. I’ve never experienced this. I have lost my mum 8 years ago under tragic circumstances
Take care
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Im so very sorry to hear this. Have you been put in touch with a palliative care team? I would reach out to them for support and to answer your questions. Has there been any discussion about whether she will remain at home or go to a hospice? Hospice staff can also be an incredibly useful source of support and information at this time - even if she isnt going to a hospice i would try reaching out to your local one and talking to them. I cared for my mum full time the last 12 months of her life and she died at home, where she always wanted to be. Is your mum awake and able to communicate? Everyone is different but sometimes people who know the end is near just want to have honest conversations about their wishes and their worries, but they worry about upsetting their family. The palliative team can also offer that emotional support for your mum if needed. Tell her all the things you want to tell her, i have a wonderful audio recording of my mum talking me through her wedding photo album - that is so precious to me now. I think when the time comes, our loved ones want to feel calm and reassured and surrounded by love. I put music on and held her hand because mum wasnt awake much in the last couple of days, but they say sound and touch are the last senses to go. Keep talking to her and telling her how much you love her. My thoughts are with you 
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what would you want to hear if you were she?
and this is your time to share with her your thanks and love she gave you. to tell her how much she meant to you. how much you love her. it is a terrible time but you may regret not using this time to show her appreciation affection and love, things we often don’t do enough in life
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I’m very sorry for your situation. My experience with my dad was in a matter of 24 hours we were told he was on palliative care, and wasn’t expected for to make the weekend, he passed later that night, and was in a coma, so I couldn’t have an active conversation with him.
He had terminal cancer, and luckily we all said what we wanted or needed each other to hear before my dad was in a coma. There were no words left unsaid and it’s my only reassurance with the situation, is that my dad knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me. Say whatever you want to your mum, leave nothing unsaid no matter how trivial or silly you may perceive it to be.
The anger won’t fade, it will be present the entire time, but maybe find an outlet for it so you’re not bottling it all up, if you can.
Sending you lots of hugs and deepest sympathies.
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Nearly two years. How has that happened? We were all with mum at the end, it was so heartbreaking and, I’ve been numb ever since. I feel that everyone else is taking positive steps forward yet I’m, just stuck. I now drink too much, definitely more angry and am living a half life. Has anyone any advice on moving forward?
Please dont be too hard on yourself @MCL - everyones grief is different and 2 years is not that long in terms of grief. Im now at just over 2 years and ive still not felt able to start looking for work yet, but I know its something i will have to face this year. Its still very much about surviving each day for me, so dont judge yourself harshly for where you are compared to others. Plus behind the positive image that you see from others, you never truly know whats going on inside.
You say you have been feeling numb ever since - sometimes numbness can be the brains method of protecting us initially, but sometimes we try to avoid facing our grief because it just feels so overwhelming. So it just sits there, waiting for us to finally stop and give it the attention it needs. Have you considered looking for some support, either from a counsellor or a support group? It might help you understand how youre feeling and help develop some other coping strategies. Its so hard trying to deal with grief alone, for me having counselling and attending a regular support group were a complete lifeline, as well as this site.
Sending you hugs and strength. 
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Thank you for your kind words. I do understand what you are saying as I know outwardly I seem completely on top of it all but. At times it’s all too overwhelming. When I wrote my first post I was so terrified of what “the end” looked like but my sister, Dad and I were with mum. It was impacted more as my youngest sister had sadly passed away 6 months prior…. It’s figuring out what life looks like without them whilst ensuring people like my wonderful dad and niece are cared for. And myself I guess….
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