Coping with the funeral

I lost my dad, three years ago, but did not grieve as I then became the carer for my mum. Mum passed away two weeks ago and although I have arranged her funeral which is in two days, I’m dreading how I’m going to cope. I’m fearful that my grief for dad will come tumbling in as well as for mum. We were very close and I was with her when she passed as she has lived with me since dad died. I’m terrified I’m going to let her down and not be the strong one I have always bee. For them both.

Hi, I am very sorry for your loss. It’s very hard to know how you are going to be on the day but from personal experience I have found that you somehow get through the day. I imagine it’s that you run on adrenaline or something. I found that after the family and friends had all gone home after the funeral was when it hit me. I think you’ll find the same. That is when you will really need to have some support on hand. You may want to be on your own, but knowing that you can call on someone is comforting. You should allow yourself to do as you want. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help either.
Crying is not a sign of weakness. Let it out!
Speaking about your feelings on here is very helpful when there’s no one else to turn to. There are only supportive souls on here. Xx

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Thinking of you. The funeral of my husband also worried me so much and I couldn’t imagine how I would cope. I wanted to be dignified but imagined I would fall to pieces and be inconsolable. I didn’t want to go.I planned to disappear and go to a place that meant something to my husband and me. Spend the time alone with him. I wanted no one to see my raw grief. However I ended up at the funeral and it was all so surreal, it was a blur. My family, I can remember kept hold of me, so that I couldn’t do a runner half way through. I felt as if I was looking down on myself as I greeted everyone. How was I dealing with this and so composed. Listened intently to the beautiful service which I had written. I listened to the music and every word meant so much to me. I discovered it’s after the funeral when you come down to earth with a bump and expected to deal with so much as well as the disappearance of some friends and family. Take care and the best of luck.

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Thank you. I can empathise with you. That’s how I felt. The service was written by me and like you meant every word to me and my mum. It was surreal and although I sobbed, I was proud of how it went and mum would have been too. I feel I’m not sure if relieved is the word, but I feel a bit more in control tonight. I’m dreading the grief of both my dad and mum’s to hit me My father In law also passed 20 days before my mum, so it’s been heavy going. I’m glad I have been able voice my fears, I’ve had to hide it from my husband and not only is he missing my mum, he also is grieving for his dad. Thank you both for replying, it has helped a lot. Xx

I’m very glad you managed to get through it. It’s early days for you, and you have a lot to cope with. Don’t forget we are here to listen. Take care of yourselves x

hi Tinkykinz sorry to hear about you mum you wont let het down you are doing brilliantly you dobt have to be the strong one you just have to be there which you were x will be thinking about you look after yourself sending love xx

I feel like I’m just existing. Robotic sort of. My birthday is on Monday but whereas I’ve always loved birthdays I feel I don’t care. I want nothing really for my birthday. My husband is still in a desperate state and I don’t know if his grief is holding mine back. I feel sleepy a lot. Could this be part of grief?