Coping with the house when things need fixing

My husband only died less than two weeks ago, after being ill with pancreatic cancer for eight months.
Even before he died, I was exhausted, as I was caring for him at home (with brilliant help from the community care team) but now that he’s not here at all, I’m still exhausted. I’m not sleeping properly, eating is tricky and everything seems pointless. I’ve already spent so many days unable to get dressed, with a lack of interest in things that I used to do and there are times when I don’t want to be here at all.

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Thats just how i was. Youre in the early stages of grief and shock. Give yourself a break. Its only 2 weeks since you lost him. Be kind to you !! Xxx

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All of those feelings are very normal after the loss of your partner - mine was also ill for a long time and, whilst I was glad his suffering was over, I was (& still am) devastated for me. Even though he was ill & his mind wasn’t as sharp as it used to be, he was still there to talk to, for a hug & just to get on my nerves! For me, the finality of it was/is the hardest thing to get my head around. You will find a way to keep going, some days it will feel impossible & others more manageable but you will find a way through.

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Very sorry for your loss.

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Im sorry for your loss. I too cared for my wife at home and like you felt burnt out all the time before my lovely wife passed away in January.
Although we know its going to happen, nothing prepares you for the trauma of the passing.
My way of coping with it was to get rid of everything that reminded me of Susan’s illness. The hospital equipment was returned promptly, the medication returned to boots and all the single sheets, duvets and covers went in the bin.
I wanted to remember my darling healthy and happy before the illness took her, not bedbound and skeletal.
At the moment, you are shell shocked and i wish i could take that away from you.
Always remember life has to go on.

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It definitely does.

It is very very early days for you. Just take each hour as it comes and do whatever you can but be kind to yourself. It is OK to have days where you don’t do anything other than sit and think. Sending :hugs::heart:

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Thank you, I really needed to hear that.

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Hi everyone
I am waiting for a builder coming today to give me a schedule for taking up the subfloor in the kitchen and hall. Another company will come once the floor is up and put electric drying mats down to dry the cement. Then the builder comes back to fit the new sub floor and laminated flooring,
I just wish he was here to oversee it all, but I will just have to deal with it. I am able to deal with it but really do not want to , just wanted the house to just need a touch of paint. It is so hard without them and I just want to go out and meet people and not renovate the house.
Well its has to be done so i will just get on with it.
Need a holiday after this, but so far not been able to go on my own. I will find the strength.
Take care x

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Oh jeez know what you mean - each task is such a big deal without them isnt it ? Just let builders do their stuff and try sort out a holiday - personally i would try go with somebody but if not go on maybe a solo holiday ! Jeez i hate this solitary life personally ! Its bloody crap ! In every bloody way ! And i didnt want it and i didn’t ask for it either ! Good luck x

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Good morning, you need to give yourself credit for getting all that organised, it can’t have been easy but you have done it. :crossed_fingers:it all gets done quickly and smoothly. I came across an organisation yesterday called ‘ Jolly Dollies’ which is a social group for widows. There are branches all over the country. I have registered with my local group and just waiting to hear more from them. Maybe worth a look. Like you a holiday would be nice but not ready to go on my own yet but hopefully one day. Hope you have a positive day xx

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I too have joined Jolly Dollies and have met up with them a few times, even been out to the theatre with them. Currently waiting for my builders to finish the “demolition” in the garden prior to getting flooring/carpets taken up tomorrow followed by decorators on Monday! I sometimes wonder why on earth I started all of these things but I wanted to make the house easier to manage and for me. I’m so not practical, tried to use a screwdriver once and got told off my my husband because I was doing it wrong. I relied on him for all of the practical things in the house, including electronics (he was an IT man) so am somewhat baffled a lot of the time by these things thankfully my daughter, who doesn’t live very far away, is extremely practical so I know she will help if I need it. I just hate feeling useless and relying on others. Once all of the work has been done on the house, mid July probably, I will definitely treat myself to something even if it’s just sitting in the garden with a nice bottle of chilled bubbly!

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I hate having to deal with all the house stuff it gives me anxiety I over think everything and expect everything to go wrong.You feel so alone after always having a man to deal with those things

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Yeh that seems to be a theme doesnt it since we lost our husband … you keep exoecting everything to go wrong ? I dunno why ? Just makes you feel like everything gonna go wrong now but it doesnt always - its just the way it makes you feel xx

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I have a workman coming over this afternoon to look at the roof and chimney that need fixing, I hope he is trustworthy because there is no way I can check on the work !. I wish I had Davids support :frowning:

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It’s the pits when you are swindled by family (plumber) and friends (electrician). :rage: That’s my experience since losing my dad. Both of them were at my dad’s service. The brass neck of them.

Ask him to take pictures on his smartphone to show you what needs doing.

The roofers that came on Saturday were really good, they took photos and pointed out what they had done, they were very nice young lads. I was impressed and relieved.

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That’s good to hear. There are workman out there who are genuine and not trying to take advantage of us. X

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My husband was a builder…a perfectionist who cared. They are out there!

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