My husband passed two years ago and I try my best to do the jobs around the house that previously we shared. I have taken over his jobs like washing the car, cutting the lawns and looking after his beloved pond. I am pleased with myself for managing all the jobs he did and take great pride in doing them. Although I try to achieve most things, of cause there is a lot I cannot do.
I am finding the house needs a lot of things replacing like a new boiler and find it extremely difficult to make decisions about replacements. I have just had a water leak in the kitchen which spread down the hall way . All flooring has been taken up and I need a new sub floor. It has all got too much and I have just sat and cried. If my husband was here now we would have worked together to sort this, but he is not . I have had to bounce back up yet again because if I get too low it is harder to find the strength to get through the bad times.
Take care
It is difficult.
Sending a big hug xx
Hi @Lyn2507, reading your post with interest because I’m in this situation too. My late husband could do anything DIY and I never needed to worry when anything went wrong because I knew he’d sort it. He did teach me some things knowing he wasn’t going to be around and I have learned how to do some things myself - repaired the flush on the toilet the other day using a YouTube tutorial. I was really chuffed about that. My advice when faced with jobs you can’t tackle is Google everything and use social media for recommendations on local tradesmen. You’ve got this far and give yourself a Pat on the back for doing the things you do (I’ve got a fish pond too). You’ve got this !!
Hi . My husband was a DIY person and fixed everything apart from gas appliances. I am glad I listened to him and watched him do things, because now I find I have stepped into his role.
The pond filter has to be cleaned out once a year and it is such a dirty job. I find I am putting a lot of love and time into the things he did and it gives me so much comfort. I wash his car thoroughly even the brake dust off the alloys. The lawns have beautiful stripes and the fish are happy in the pond.
I do all these things with love for him but when it comes to inside the house I just think it’s not a home anymore. The heart has gone out of it and only feels like home when my children come. I work so hard sometimes because it blocks out the sadness and I just want some happiness in my life.
Take care x
I am worried about things like that too, I am quite good at things like decorating but the bigger things David used to do. This summer he was going to replace a couple of roof tiles as we have rain coming in. Now it will probably cost me a fortune to get someone to do it.
Sometimes I cannot do jobs because I am not strong enough. Also I am very wary of tradesmen as they could rip me off, not having a man around makes everything a lot harder doesn’t it.
Penny6
Yes it is hard and sometimes we will have to get trades people in to do the job. I feel since my husband has passed its one major thing after the other. First it was the house roof leaking, gas boiler needed replacing and now a water leak. I know everybody has repairs to do ,but without your partners support it all seems magnified. I have had to calm myself sometimes from getting too stressed over the repairs.
Take care x
Like many of you my husband did all the DIY jobs and I just let him get on with it. Since he died I have had problems with the heating, a leak from the radiator in the lounge and a leak from ensuite. All these problems were resolved. Then door came of its hinges. What next I wonder🤷‍♀️ It is concerning that some tradesman make take advantage of a woman on their own with price.
Yes it is concerning, I think a good place to look for tradesperson is on the Next door Ap. People in your area recommend ones that they have used.
Me too. I’m 72, so there’s a lot I can’t do, and an awful lot that needs doing. The house and garden are rapidly becoming a mess because I’m finding it hard to cope with it all. YouTube videos have helped me do quite a few things I’ve never done before, but I spend a lot of time trying to source people to do other things. Latest problem is that the gas cylinders for cooking are empty, and I can find places that sell them, but none will deliver and connect them! It’s just endless problems.
I was spoilt. My husband was a builder, and very good at his job. He sorted out all maintenance jobs around the house and always had a project on the go. I can have a go at the small stuff but anything big and I have to try and find someone i can trust and find the money to pay them! Its all so overwhelming when you are already missing your favourite person and single handedly carrying everything else.
I’m finding the house & garden overwhelming. He was the gardener but wasn’t able to do much for the last year of his life & he died in October last year - the garden is now completely wild & it breaks my heart to see it, but I don’t know where to start. I try to keep on top of the house, but have little motivation & feel as though it’s too much to face alone.
I feel the same about the lack of motivation. There are lots of jobs I could be doing in the house but no motivation to do them. My husband was also ill for a year and it all became too much for me to do everything so we got a gardener and fortunately I have been able to keep him on so that has been a big help. Just do what you can when you feel like it. Be kind to yourself 
We bought a house as a doer upper and then planned to move abroad when we sold it. Sadly my darling husband passed very suddenly in September. The house still needs quite a bit doing to it, the garden is another story. I’m 5”5 and the rubble and weeds are higher than me. I’ve picked up a spade in my life but bit my bit I’m having a go. I can imagine Steve laughing and saying what the eff is she doing but I know he’s guiding me always.x
As a married couple, there are tasks that are shared, and tasks that are our own jobs separately. We rely on each other and only do things once we have both discussed and agreed.
On a partners passing, its only natural that things start to unravel without the balancing effect of our other halfs.
Our confidence in our own abilities takes a major knock and grief gets in the way of day to day functioning.
It is a learning process, you are doing well so far. For big household problems like your leak and installing a new boiler youll do what you always did: call the professionals.
See every problem solved as a triumph.
I looked after my wife at home and housework was definitely not a favourite. Yesterday i saw a new easy way of putting on duvet covers, (a task i struggle with). It worked and i am overjoyed.
Good luck to you. You’re doing well .
You never stop learning
Yes, I know; whole days go by when you could be sorting things, but the energy and motivation have disappeared; and it seems pointless when he isn’t there to see what you’ve done.
À couple of roof tiles shouldn’t cost much to replace. In the north, it cost me £30 + VAT for a soil pipe flashing (the bigger job) and replacement of 1 roof tile.
Get as many quotes as you need, and compare them, to ensure you don’t get ripped off.
I go on the Facebook page for where I live, to find recommendations of tradesmen, and get a few of them to advise on what needs doing and how much it will cost.
But yes, it is incredibly poo. I’m doing this for 4 different houses - my own, my brother’s, my mum’s, and my brother’s rental property.
That’s very kind 
.
Thank you for the advice Burgled, 
My husband only died less than two weeks ago, after being ill with pancreatic cancer for eight months.
Even before he died, I was exhausted, as I was caring for him at home (with brilliant help from the community care team) but now that he’s not here at all, I’m still exhausted. I’m not sleeping properly, eating is tricky and everything seems pointless. I’ve already spent so many days unable to get dressed, with a lack of interest in things that I used to do and there are times when I don’t want to be here at all.