I lost my husband on 25th November. It’s will be 5 weeks tomorrow at 14:20. I have spent Christmas alone due to restrictions and my daughter living north of the border. Living in a house surrounded by Jonathan’s things is very difficult and I cry a lot. I do hope that time will heal and I will be able to look at all his lovely things and remember the good times and all the lovely memories at some point in the future. At the moment I just feel sick and churned up daily. No appetite and no interest in doing anything. Covid has made things so much worse as I can’t go to my mums and aunts for a cuppa. We had just moved to our new home on 8th October, I have wonderful neighbours but still feel very much alone.
I’m only 46yrs old and hope at some point in my life I can move forward with positive thoughts and carry on my journey through life taking Jonathan with me. At the moment it’s still very early days and I can’t see that happening.
He was a true gentleman and they certainly broke the mould when they made him.
Gillian. X
@GStoneley74 I’m so sorry for your loss,
We have a lot in common. My Mother passed away on the 25th November and I also lost my fiance unexpectedly some years back, aged just 29. We are also the same age, I am 46 and unfortunately alone as well.
Losing my partner has got easier over time. Her family were very cold and judgemental which made the whole process a lot more painful and harder to move on from (I have been single for 11 years since she passed away). If you have any potential issues of this kind, I would strongly suggest that you “protect yourself” from them as best you can.
When she passed, I spent a lot of time outdoors. I would get on a train and just jump off at some random destination to just walk and think which was very soothing and liberating. I think it can be detrimental on occasion to be surrounded by so much connected to our respective partners; you need that head space to be able to think freely. I know this will be very difficult to do at the moment but I can’t recommend it enough when we are less constricted.
Don’t afraid to be selfish. Try to free yourself from the toils and strain of everyday life if at all possible; you need to do what is best for you at the moment and those that truly love you will understand completely. I have also done fundraising in her name as well as obtained a memorial bench which gives me (and others) a great deal of comfort…I think it is the best way to keep someone’s memory alive, doing positive things in their name so, even though they have passed, their life/memory is still having a positive impact on the world.
I sincerely hope you can move forward positively. You are still young (have to say that as we are the same age!), your husband would want you to live the best possible life you can; that is likely to be very difficult at the moment so do what suits you at the moment, don’t afraid to be selfish as I said, people will understand.
Bless you, you sound like a lovely person and i’m sure he was very proud of you.
James
Hi James,
Thank you for your reply. So sorry for your loss.
It is very difficult. I do try to keep busy. Jonathan was a very charitable man who raised millions of pounds in his lifetime. I intend to carry this on and do charity work for causes very dear to his heart (and now mine).
I try to stay positive as much as I can but some days I just sit on the sofa doing nothing. Looking forward to tomorrow coming and going, never really cared much for New Year Eve anyway but I will be sleeping as we go into the new year 
.
I was thinking of buying a bench with his name on for the garden.
I hope in time you can move on with your life. 11 years is a long time to be alone, but at this moment in time I completely understand where you are coming from and I have a feeling it’s going to take me a very long time to pick up the pieces of loosing such a beautiful soul and try to move on with my life.
I’m here if you ever need to chat.
Gillian.
@GStoneley74 Thank you for your kind reply,
Jonathan clearly sounds like a wonderful, kind, amazing being.
No-one has to move on straight away, sometimes you can take a different path. A wonderful man like Jonathan must have had a wonderful partner like you so, as enormously hard as it is, you don’t have to sit on the sofa, he wouldn’t want you to sit on the sofa, so try and plan a positive way forward. If you don’t want to, then that is fine, but try to make the world a better place in his memory,
I can’t pick up all the pieces, she was only 29, her family are very cold, judging people. But if I curl up into a ball and hide in a corner, then I am giving them what they want, and not giving my partner what she would want from me. You are better than that, you come across as a smart, kind, intelligent lady and you should (and I don’t say this easily because everything is easier said than done in these situations) try to plough a way forward; think about places you have never visited, think about things you have never done. He will be by your side, if you feel fear, smile…he would want this for you.
Please buy the bench. My fiance’s familty turned my request down. It would have given me a great deal of comfort, so please, please, please, please, please do it, Trust me on that.
James