I lost my mum In July to dementia. My mum was my best friend, my heart & soul, she suffered with dementia for 5 years and was in a care home. I devoted my life to her, visited her every day & she was my everything. I lost my brother 20 years ago & my mum was devastated when this happened so I spent the years after looking after her, helping her with her loss and my bond with my mum was unbreakable. When she passed in July I was with her holding her hand, it was the hardest thing to let her go & I miss her so much every day, i cry all the time & feel empty & lost without her, I think it’s worse now as Christmas is coming, my husband is very supportive but not emotionally, he has never suffered loss & struggles to understand my pain, I feel very alone right now, & feel I’m not handling things too well
Hello Angela, I’m sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. My mum left me in October and I’m devastated as well. There’s a saying that grief can’t be shared. Expecting others that are close to you to grieve as you would is not fair to them. I think the bond between our mums and us are special and exclusive. The deeper the bond, the deeper the grief. I’ve cared for my mum the past 17 years and I’m having a rough time letting her go. Grief demands we stay in the past reliving the memories of our mum. Staying in the past invites depression unfortunately. I hope you can find some peace sharing your experiences on this site.
Thank you for your kind words Peter & I am so sorry for your loss, as like yourself I too cared for my mum for 15 years until her dementia progressed & she went into a care home. During that time I made mum my priority & put my life on hold, quitting my job & never starting a family, I wanted to do this for her & like yourself our bond was very special, since she passed I feel I have no purpose & am lost but mostly I just miss those precious times we spent together, memories I will cherish forever. I keep telling myself that in the new year I will rebuild my life, get a new job & do the things I always wanted to do & I know mum would want this for me, although sometimes my grief & sadness is so overwhelming. I hope too that you find comfort from sharing your experience & my best wishes go out to you
thank you for the encouraging words angela. i believe grief is the final responsibility of loving someone. the pain of the loss is what allows us to see the depth of the love we shared with our mums. let’s honor our mums by finding the courage to carry on, as they did when their mums passed.
Hi Angela I lost my mum in October this year 8 weeks today and my it’s been a traumatic 8 weeks I’ve cried every day since we lost her everyone experiences grief differently and just because some people don’t show theirs it doesn’t mean they don’t care it’s just they deal with emotional situations differently I actually said to my partner that he doesn’t understand what it feels like to lose a mum as he still has his so he can’t possibly understand what I’m feeling right now. To lose someone so close some one you saw and spoke to every day the day comes when that all ends and it’s like losing a limb the loss is traumatic to the heart and will take a long time to repair xx I hope you find this group comforting knowing that you can talk freely and we understand totally what you are going through x
Hi Angela I’m desperately sorry to hear of your mum . I too lost my mum in October to dementia and like you I quit my job to care for her and she moved in with me 3 years ago . She was my life my heartbeat and I just feel so numb , alone and empty although I have some great family and friends there for me : she is my mum and I miss her and love her unconditionally. I have too cried every day since her passing and feel guilty for everything I do whether it watching tv or going shops
There is a lot of lovely people on here sadly all going through what we are but it helps . Take care x
i’m sorry for your loss. i hope you can find some solace sharing your story here. i hope you do go to your mums funeral as it will be for her, not your silblings. go for your mum.
if you don’t go because of your anger for your siblings you’ll end up regretting it later. don’t let anger dictate your actions, not now, not for your mum. i hope you make the right decision.
I’m so sorry for your loss please don’t let your anger get in the way of saying your goodbyes it’s will only be yourself you are punishing tey to push through your anger even if it’s just for one day I know your hurting but you will regret not going. I didn’t want to go to my mum’s funeral because I then had to accept she wasn’t here anymore and that in itself was a big thing when I saw the hearse I near had a panic attack leaving her house I still can’t fully accept she’s not here and don’t think I ever will, I also have siblings a brother and sister I also hold some anger because when she was alive before we found out her last diagnosis I was the one who was there all the time every day all through COVID I was the one doing their shopping making sure they were testing making sure they were not alone dropping by just to say hello from a distance she didn’t the others every day they were getting on with their own lives it took her becoming ill for them to visit every day, but I can’t let that anger get in the way of what family I have left my sister disowned me at the worst possible time at the hospital when my mum wad dying she said i was making everything about me, she was taking her anger out on me and things changed that day, I could of missed the last two weeks of not seeing my mum but i pushed through and although we are on speaking terms now i don’t think things can ever go back to the way things were all she had to say to me was that she was so sorry she had acted towards me like that, she blamed me for everything thing said I’d took up too much of mums time growing up bearing in mind i am the youngest by 10 years and she brought herself up which was a lie mum treated us all equally, but all that is in the past now and I can’t let it eat away at me any more I’m grieving the loss of my mum my best friend and so are they, I hope you find some comfort from talking to others here we are all like you grieving someone we have lost and I’m so sorry your having to go through this and sorry for the long post, but find once I start talking i can’t stop and that’s one step closer to me letting it all out xxx
Families really are unreal sometimes . I was a full time carer for my mum during the last 3 years as her dementia progressed . My mum and sister has fell out so she was no where to be seen and then I use to have to literally beg 2 of my brothers to come see her but they barely ever did yet they live close by . Even mum use to ask where are my so called family and I would tell her we don’t them we have each other and that’s how she felt at the end they failed her and left me to struggle but I was never going to put mum into care so she lived with me and I quit my job . I owe her my life so it was an easy decision . My now she’s passed I can see the guilt in all of them that they didn’t do more and that have admitted it but it’s to late they let her down . Like everyone on here we are all seriously struggling with the pain and hurt of losing a mum / dad and it’s truely heartbreaking I am actually dreading Christmas Day so much x
I know it’s sad that we’ve had to go through this and I’m not looking forward to Christmas day at all I’d sooner it come and go this year, only can’t let my children down I need to do this for them.
I agree, I too am dreading this Christmas, my mum used to love this time of year & always made it so special for us when myself & my brothers were young, my mums ashes burial is on Thursday too which is going to be very emotional although I take comfort that her ashes will be interred next to my brothers in a family plot. I told myself I didn’t want to do Christmas this year but as it turns out Im now cooking dinner for my nieces & in laws! I feel so much for everyone who is feeling the loss of a loved one at Christmas & I am going to try my hardest to put a smile on my face & get through the day as my mum would want this for me, I wish you all the strength & courage to get through what is going to be a hard day for us all x
Hi, I hope your doing ok under the circumstances, I wouldn’t of given the money over that was left to you, I’d of made a small gift, try not to let it eat away at you now, I’m still angry but that’s only hurting me if I dwell on it, my sister probably hasn’t even had a second thought about what happened that day, but I do believe in karma in some cases. My brother has had a lot to deal with health wise and he has never done anything to me I see hime every couple weeks we are not as close as we should be but that’s because we have our own busy lives but, he knows where I am if he needs me and vice versa, losing mum has hit him hard but he keeps his emotions to himself, he’s not as hard as my sister who puts up a complete wall, I’ve seen him upset, he just needs to look after his own health right now. I start my one to one councilling next week waited about 9 weeks so hopefully it may help more. I’m 12 weeks in now since my mum died I’m not as bad as I was at the beginning I feel like I can control my emotions better, I live every day as it comes each day is different some good some bad was quite emotional last week, this week feel a bit numb, still can’t accept she’s really gone keep expecting to walk through the door and she’s sat in her chair or my phone will ring and it will be her, but I know both are impossible, maybe when things have settled down and it’s not as heated with your family they will come around they are probably feeling guilty for being found out x
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. I understand what you mean to regarding your husband and emotion. Mine was the same when I lost my mum, 3 years ago. He was great practically but could not support me emotionally. That’s why I joined this forum. It was a god send to me. Without the support of the lovely people on here, I honestly don’t know how I could have got thru. I would go on here at 3am in the depths of deep deep grief pour my heart out. I totally understand how you are feeling. Sending you love. A huge part of you goes with your mum, I feel half the person I was when she was here. To give you hope, somehow you carry on alongside your grief, but you are never the same again. She will send you the strength you need to live without her. Stay strong and take care xx
I really hope your family come around maybe when things have settled down and they have had time to grieve them selves, I really hope they reconnect I’m here and so are others when ever you need someone to talk too we all understand each other and what we are going through with our grief every bit counts xx
Omg I’m sorry you have had to endure so much heartache, I think you just need to concentrate on yourself and not think of anyone else, are you having any one to one councilling I finally start mine next week which I’m feeling a bit anxious about if I’m honest and I know it’s going to bring me right back x
I’m glad you went the funeral but I’d of sat at the front and held your head high Im now coming to the end of my one to one councilling and it has been amazing it has helped me accept things I never thought I ever would, I’m in a much better place now than I was before and have accepted that I can do things and not feel guilty about doing them I am actually smiling again and for the first time since my mum died I can put myself first for once and not feel guilty about that either I’ve been back at work 2 weeks now I went back on a phased return and I’m easing back into a routine it’s been 5 1/2 months, since that day now I can look back on that day and not have nightmares the flashbacks I get now are memories were we used to do things together and it makes me smile my counsellor taught me that it’s ok not to be ok and I can’t believe the progress I have made x