Coping with the loss of my mum

Hi I’m new to this site. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago (today). She’d been poorly for a while but had started to improve. We were called to the hospital to say she had deteriorated. My Dad and I stayed with her for 2 days until she died. We were both with her and she passed peacefully. She had been unconscious for the 2 days we were there.

I’m struggling so much. My Dad isn’t coping very well at all so I’ve been supporting him. Spending time with him sleeping at their house so he’s not on his own (my eldest daughter has been staying with him the majority of the time)

I have two younger children still at home so I’ve been trying to support them too. My partner is lovely but doesn’t really understand how after 4 weeks I’m still quite numb.

Does anyone else feel they haven’t been able to grieve their parent because they’re supporting the remaining parent??

Sorry if I’ve rambled on a bit x

Laura x

Hi Laura

I am so sorry you have lost your mum. It must be such a shock when she had been starting to improve. You and your dad did all you could staying with your mum those last two days. I lost my mum last year and my dad and I were there at hospital with my mum and she was unconscious so I can relate to what you went through. It is totally understandable that after only 4 weeks you are numb. You will probably still be in shock.

It is not surprising you are struggling as it is very early days. It sounds as if you and your daughter are doing all you can to help your dad. I honestly think that at this stage if you are managing to get out of bed and function on some level, that should be as much as anyone should expect of you or you expect of yourself. Try to get some time to yourself each day even if it is just to sit and ‘be’. X

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Thank you for your reply. I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve not lost many people in my life and not had to deal with grief. This wave of grief has hit my family like a tidal wave. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it seeing your Dad absolutely devastated he’s lost his soul mate.

The last few days have been hard as we picked her ashes up. It’s comforting in some ways to know she’s home but hard as it makes it more real x

Hi Laura,
I’m in the same boat. Mum passed away a month or so ago and so my Dads on his own now unless I visit. So I feel guilty and sad for him and I spend Friday-Sunday with him. But at the same time, this is my main chance away from work each week which I think I should use to come to terms with things and grieve. But I can’t- not whilst I’m at Dad’s. I’m not really sure what to do either! I am planning to eventually ween my dad back into a new routine, so maybe some weeks I’ll stay for a day less with him and hope that he can keep busy. I recently got my dad to go to a Cruse bereavement group, which he found really supportive. Maybe check out the website and see if they have any in yours or your dads local area- looks like a great way to chat to others going through similar stuff in a relaxed environment. Have also bought myself a book about grieving for your parent on Amazon- hoping it will kickstart the grieving process!
Anyway hope it gets easier and let me know if you find anything that helps x

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