Hello everyone, I lost my beautiful wife on 10th Dec & I do understand we all have to go through grief, Everyone asks how I am & I keep saying I’m ok But I’m not coping at all. Should I or where do I ask for help ? Thank you
Hi PK,
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your beautiful wife. Your loss is very recent and your feelings are probably overwhelming, so it’s important to be kind to yourself. Talking about your feelings is better for you than bottling things up, so can you try being honest with some people you are close to, rather than telling them you are ok?
Writing things down on this site can be another good outlet for your feelings. I see you’ve already been having a read and replying to some other people’s posts - I hope that it helps you to feel a little less alone.
If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this online community, just let me know.
Priscilla
Community Manager
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I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife, I know how you feel, having lost my dear husband at the end of November. It is very hard to deal with, especially when you have known true love. I think it might be better to open-up a little to people who take the time to ask how you are. Sometimes people just don’t know what to say to you, but others can be thoughtful and kind, and I have found that helps. Try to reach out to people you trust, I’m sure it will help you. You’ve already taken a big step by contacting the online community on this site, its a wonderful source of inspiration. Very best wishes and thinking of you. Elaine
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Hello, and I’m sorry that you have lost your wife. It is devastating losing someone you love dearly. You could try counselling but although my husband died last June, I am still waiting for Cruse to send me an appointment, so you need to get in touch soon. Also, writing about your feelings on here helps a bit as you can talk to people, like me, who are in the same dark place. There is no easy answer but surely this terrible loneliness and grief must get better in time ? I wish I knew. Warm regards. Eileen
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I’m very sorry to hear of your wife’s passing. I often hear myself saying that I wouldn’t wish bereavement of your loved one on my worst enemy, it’s so heartbreaking, and so difficult.
My darling husband passed away in March 2016, I joined a CRUSE group that came up a few months later which was helpful: there’s no pressure to contribute unless you want to, and it’s a chance to hear how bereavement affects different people. The learning for me is that it has a vast and varied impact, that helped me to realise my previously unknown and sometimes overwhelming emotions were ok, I wasn’t losing my grip or not coping. It’s how it is, for a while.
I also took up private individual counselling, It had all happened so quickly that I needed to talk out loud, some people feel uncomfortable with that - I know my husband was a better listener than talker!
Early on I decided I would make sure to go out of the house every day even if only to walk to the park or shop, it was just a simple way of ‘connecting’ and yet I also needed time alone so I did both.
Initially I was annoyed when I was asked how I was, but I think the other person is right when they say that people don’t have a script for how to handle a griever. I decided ‘I’m up and down’ was being honest but not burdening them with my reality.
I wasn’t brave enough to post on here until now but I have regularly read the conversations and very many of them have been helpful. I hope it’s the same for you.
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Hello PK
I lost my wonderful husband over 4 years ago now. It still hurts like hell! Christmas is especially bad. I don’t think anything helps really - you just have to accept that you will always miss the person you loved. I cope by keeping busy - as busy as I possibly can - then I feel that at least I am being useful. It must be worse for those who are disabled or elderly who do not have the capacity for keeping busy.
I have come to the conclusion that I will never “get over it”. My current philosophy is to “make the most of a bad job”.
How long had you been married? My marriage was 42 years long, and I always had the fond and irrational idea that we would die together - in a car crash or similar. Alas, that blessing is granted to very few! Annette P
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Hi PK
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife I wish I could say something that could ease your pain .
I lost the love of my life on the 26th of November it seemed that my life stopped with my husband .
I have like everyone on this site been broken at the overwhelming pain and I know when people ask how you are it can drive you crazy but people don’t know what to say .
I go out every day for a walk to try and keep my self moving I’m off work just now I find for me it helps I also try and draw from the memories that I have of my husband.
Everyone on this forum will do things that help them we are all different but sadly all on the same journey just take things a day at a time and god willing we will all muddle through helping each other I hope in some way we all find peace in our hearts .
Lily
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Yes I know the pain we are all going through I lost my beautiful wife Carol on Boxing Day after 47 yrs I am now totally heartbroken and can see no future for me I have the love from my two daughters and grandchildren but don’t know what to do
Thank you to you all for your kind replies x
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Yes pk I know exactly what you are going through I lost my darling wife Carol on 26 th December 2018 suddenly after 47 yrs of marriage and it’s totally heartbreaking we had the funeral yesterday and don’t really know how I got through the church was packed solid and the sun shone for us but I really don’t seem to care anymore I just want to be with her the one thing I am now not afraid of is dieing because we will be together again if I don’t believe that I will go insane life can be a s… and not fair
Sorry 26 th December 2017
So sorry for ur loss it is devastating, i lost my husband 2 jan my world has been turn upside down my 12 year old son is in bits i understand ur pain
Hi Priscilla, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss also & do hope you & your son are ok. Thank you for your message it’s kind of you x
Your feeling that you don’t care if you die, will pass . Would your wife want you to give up no she would not she would want you to live your life until it’s time for you to join her . I know it’s hard and it won’t get any easier but you will learn to cope with your loss and carry on as best you can . I myself have suffered the loss of my wife who was everthing to me but I carry on with my life for her sake as I feel that’s what she would want me to do . And I beleave that we will be together again when it is my time . So my friend don’t give up you are hurting badly just now but the pain will ease I won’t lie to you and say it will go through time it can’t but we must beleave that it will ease enough for us to carry on living or lives as best we can and as long as we can
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Hi pk and everyone, so sorry for us all! I realise now that however much I sympathised with others suffering bereavement I had NO idea of the physical and mental anguish, its something we have nearly all fleetingly thought about previously but living with our love that possibility didn’t ever seem to be real, My P would never leave me.!!! Eighteen months on its no different except by filling time with gym, yoga and talking, talking, talking to friends I’m going forward but It seems we will always carry this with us and that means P is always there with me. I am not a spiritual believer but just hope against hope there is something [?] and we will be together in that something. Take good care everyone Billie xxx
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Dear Bovabelly. Thank you for such honest & such true words. I’ve read it time & time again & it has made me feel like I can cope a little more. It was just the sort of reply/words I needed to wake me up. Thank you my friend I’m so grateful to you. Pete
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