My wife of 42 years passed away in hospital on Monday and I am really struggling with the awful feeling of grief. We had no children and I have no family that will give me support. I am having to deal with this situation completely on my own and am finding it so so hard. Can anyone help ?
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Dear sadrob,
I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through and there is nothing I can say at the moment that will make things better.
All I can tell you is to take things one day at a time, make a list of what needs to be done otherwise you are going to be overwhelmed.
It is hard enough when you have people to help you, but when you are on your own I cannot imagine what that is like.
Start with the important things first, your wife’s funeral, then the banks and then the companies you have accounts with. Make a list and tick them off as and when you do things.
I have two sons but I did most of the sorting out as my husband was ill for eight years before he died so I had taken over the running of the house and bills so I knew what to do. I just told our sons where to go and what to ask for. Bit by bit it got sorted out but I put my grieving on hold as there was so much to organise and when it had all been sorted, I fell apart. It has now been over eight years since he died and I have learned to smile again but I would give anything if he was here with me as life has never been the same since he died.
I would not wish what you are going through on my worst enemy, it is absolutely soul destroying.
Please take care.
Sheila.x
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I read your message and the first thing I thought of was maybe find a charity where others need help. If might give you a reason to get up in the morning and get you out of your house and head rather than being on your own. I know how much pain you are in, I lost my partner of 19yrs aged 59 suddenly from a heart attack suddenly 6 weeks ago and it’s crushing. She was refused an ambulance and died 2 hrs later. I’m happy to talk if ever you need to, because I know it’s the loneliness that’s the worst, even in a room full of people. You’re not alone now you’re on here.
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Sheila,
Thank you for your help.
Rob
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Hello Sadrob13
Utterly devastating what you are going through. I can remember the funeral home giving me a list of things to do and in some kind of order to do them which helped… If not Age UK can give advice at any age.
At least you have this site now as somewhere you can hopefully get some kind of comfort knowing you are not alone in your grief as Jacney said…
Take care x
Hello Sadrob13
I am so sorry for your loss and a sense of overwhelm. As suggested by Jennifer71 I would highly recommend contacting Age UK. They have both a telephone buddy service and a befriending service (matching you up with a volunteer in your area for visiting you / going out for walks etc) plus other services. Do give them a call / check their website if you are able to and it’s very likely they can help you in some way. Also you might contact any churches in your area as they can often help with their ‘flock’ - some have a weekly meet up (possibly with free refreshments) so do reach out within your local community - there is a strong chance you will find someone from the above who will help you through your current situation.
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So sorry to hear your sad news, I know how terrible you feel. I lost my husband last July and have been trying to cope with the sadness ever since. I was given a self help guide which was printed off the internet called Bereavement issued by the Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS, and it was so useful and helpful. Do try and print it if you can. I will be thinking of you.
Thank you for your comments Jennifer. The hardest thing I am finding at the moment is the loneliness which can become almost unbearable at times. Sometimes I am okay during the day and then something will trigger the grief inside of me and the feeling is overwhelming. Sadrob
So sad to hear of your loss. Heartbreaking. I have recently lost my father in the last 2 weeks. I am finding myself living through each day doing something for him which helps family, friends or others. When I do anything else I feel quite lost? I hope this feeling goes away and I am taking solace in knowing he had happy days as well. Hope you find peace whichever shape this takes for you