I’ve woken up in a bad place this morning. Just a feeling of being really on my own. My soulmate and best friend is gone and life is a big dark hole. I have to find ways to reconnect with the world even when I feel I don’t want to.
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It’s daunting isn’t it, losing the security blanket and having our foundations rocked.
No one really understands how deep the pain goes and what is lost.
You won’t feel strong today but you will. This part you’re in changes, it becomes less all consuming and raw. There’ll be some easier days thrown in but will probably then feel guilty for have a nice day and not thinking of them constantly. Then you will be caught out by the bad days.
But this is all normal and all part of grief.
We are all on personal journeys but the grief is the same for everyone.
Keep posting how you feel. Someone will be listening.
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Thank you. I made myself get up and go out to an activity I hadn’t done before. Luckily I find that despite personally feeling very alone, I can take an interest in other people’s lives enough to chat normally. I think I fear coming across as the needy person in the corner, who people shy away from in case they get landed with me.
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@Nina58
Totally get that feeling. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone or anyone sympathy vote lol
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Another day of upset.
I went out to taje back my laptop back to wirk. Went on bus not great idea as it stopped wverywhere my husband ans i stayed where he worked the pubs and restaurants we visited. All memories but with each other now on my own it is just sadness I feel.
Broke down at bank as i was paying the funeral bill today so upset.
I am lost without him. I try to be strong but dont have support at home.
Dreading my appointment with hospital as he was always there for me now i have only myself. Will it ever get better i know it is early days 5weeks 4 days but i still feel the pain and loneliness x
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I wonder if I will feel normal again one day, without the loss of my soulmate being on my mind all the time. In the meanwhile I am trying to carry on with things I was doing before as best I can. Things we did together are too painful. I think they were surprised I turned up for my volunteering shift but I managed to keep the panic at bay and it is better than sitting on my own at home. Life goes on outside and I feel I need to keep interacting with it.
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I, too, often wonder if I will ever feel ‘normal’ again and at peace? The way that I feel after six months without my darling man, I cannot envisage it, although I try to be positive.
Today has been particularly bad and for no specific reason.
I have plans the rest of the week so hope I feel better.
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I also am struggling with feeling overwhelmed thinking about the future without my husband. I had a very bad day today, but i am determined to do my volunteering shift tomorrow, and plaster a smile on my face. But really, there’s a huge black hole in front of me and I can’t see a way through.
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To those in the very early days it does become less all consuming. 15 weeks for me and I feel more a deep sadness and loneliness than the total despair I felt in the early days/weeks. I am able to go out and function. People think I am doing well but I’m just learning to keep a lid on my emotions. But I do feel I have progressed and hopefully we all continue to.
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Hi Nina,
I found life all scary, confusing and empty after the initial gut wrenching hurt wore off.
Fifteen months later and I have begun to see some of the wonders this life has to offer.
Work has been a great benefit, something solid and dependable when everything else seemed to have disappeared, it has kept me sane when I have been overwhelmed.
The loss of my beautiful wife can never be replaced and I still struggle with the realisation she’s not returning. I don’t laugh like I used to but I do smile and at times find enjoyment with life. I think positive thoughts and have been able to recollect memories with a smile now when before it just brought tears.
I still lack my sparkle and my confidence has taken a big hit, I do now though want to carry on living and will do my best…all I can do.
Good luck on your and everyone’s journey. xx
Joe
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Thank you.