I lost my partner 8 weeks ago. It was the absolute worst day of my life. At one point, a few weeks ago, I even contemplated suicide. It was that bad. I feel as if I’ve been washed up on a remote desert island - a castaway awaiting rescue. Trouble is, I can see no rescuers on the horizon. Going anywhere on my own is torture. I was with my partner for 33 years. She was an inspiration to me and to many others. Brave and courageous, because of her health problems, she refused to be beaten. However, at this awful time, I am failing to mirror her outlook on life. I try, but it is extremely difficult. The loneliness is crushing. Anyone out there got a ‘silver bullet’?
Hi
im So sorry for your loss my wife died 3 months ago tomorrow and I too have been to dark places and still do. The longing and loneliness are overwhelming and the pain unbearable. I can’t tell you it will get better as it never will but posting on here will help. Please get as much support as possible and if you like reading then read all you can on coping with loss it will help.
Take care
William
Hi Ray Jay I lost my husband 4 months ago we had been together 46 years. We don’t know how we move on from this do we. I have found this is a very comforting way of greaving. Just to know you are not alone. My heart goes out to you I feel the same.
Hi Ray Jay . I lost my husband suddenly 9 weeks ago . Grieving for him is the worst emotional and physical pain I have ever felt . Posting on this site is helping me because the other people on here understand exactly what you are going through . I don’t have any easy answers for you . I just take one day at a time and even break it down into smaller parts and work out what I am going to do in the morning then the afternoon and then the evening because doing stuff helps distract me a bit even if it’s just walking my dogs , doing some washing , going food shopping or to work because we have a business to run which I have had no option other than to get involved in for the sake of my husband’s employees and for my children’s long term future . But some days I feel overwhelmed by it all and all I want is a hug from my husband . But that is never going to happen so I am plodding on with the help of my children , my elderly mum , my close friends , his employees and people in the local community including customers of his …we have a garage . I am sorry for rambling on . It is probably no help to you except please know you are not alone in this crap situation . Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling today . Romy xxx
Hello Ray Jay. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry you have lost your beloved partner. I lost my wonderful, adoring husband over 15 months ago and as William says, I can’t tell you it will get better. The Queen Mother said " it doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it " and that is very true. The agonising pain and longing never leave me but I can manage to get through a whole day now without crying. You’ve been given some good coping strategies already and I can only reiterate them. Keep busy, distraction helps, read books (there’s a conversation going on this site about book recommendations) but you’ve already taken a step by logging on to this forum. It had helped me enormously and given me comfort, reassurance and support from the only people who could possibly know what this torturous life is like. Keep reading and posting Ray Jay. Love and hugs to you and everyone on here. Xx
Hi RayJay.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your love, and I relate to feeling as if the agony we feel isn’t doing justice to their courage. But it is completely normal, and we’re here coping with it. Applaud yourself for the efforts you’re able to make, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t. Grief impacts at all levels, and sometimes you may be just to tired and sad to force another smile.
Take the best care,
Louise
Hello William. …I appreciated your kind repy. As you rightly point out, going to “dark places” is unfortunately part of this awful process for many of us left alone. It’s still early days as many of friends keep reminding me. However, they are not ones having to cope with suddenly being thrown into the chaos of grief. And all the other problems that spring up on a daily basis. So it’s just one day at a time. Doing the shopping on your own. Eating out alone. Going out in the car with the passenger seat empty. Watching TV on your own. Sitting in the Summer-House on your own. And so on. But one day, the light at the end of that proverbial tunnel may twinkle again. And may I take this opportunity to thank everyone else who replied to my common story, that I really appreciated their advice and all those who shared their heart-break with me too. Thank you. It did help…RayJay.
though it was my parents I lost, it is an enormous amount of grief. it is like a second lousy chapter that seems to have no good ending. and then one thinks of suicide because it seems like life will not get better. and then you think, maybe it won’t.
but you keep living until you die, whether suicide or natural causes. there is no other choice. the hardest part is that you cannot replace the love. and the love is what keeps you going in life.
and you do not find it in other relationships. and then you are struggling on, valiantly, but some days you figure — what is the point? living without love. then you see how vital love is to existence.
this is what I have learned, anyway and the lessons are harsh. just harsh. and that is why we struggle and come here. before the loss, life went more or less blithely along. and then wham-o- and it is so hard to adjust to void and emptiness. it is a daily struggle.
just like life, I suppose.
I appreciate your comments. My heart goes out to you too. Yes, we all in the boat together. But one day, hopefully, that boat will reach the shore. Then, we can step out and begin again. Trouble is, and I include myself here, none of really knows how far away that shoreline is. However, we have to believe that somehow our mutual sorrow will cease. That the sunshine of our past and now lost happiness will once again bring smiles - not regret, not guilt nor those what if’s and if only’s. Just joy that our partners, wives or husbands chose each one of us to share their lives.
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What wonderful words you speak Rayjay. XX
Hi Crazy Kate…thank you for your kind comments. Still in turmoil of course. But knowing that there are more passengers in the same boat somehow makes the journey much less arduous. I wish you well…RayJay…
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