We received a report from the Coroner last week, it detailed what they thought the cause of death was for my young daughter, aged 21 who passed away suddenly at the end of August last year.
The report included the police statement from my eldest daughter who found her sister dead in bed, and tried to resuscitate, without any luck.
They tested for everything, and the possible cause of death for Amy was
a sudden cardiac arrest, however, this could not be substantiated by the post mortem examination alone. Hence, the cause of death remains as un-ascertained .
I now think that not knowing what caused Amy’s death would have been better, as any words on paper will never bring her back to us.
Up until Christmas I had sort of coped with our loss, but now the tears are never far away. I’m struggling to find a point to everything.
Both me and my husband are both struggling with our loss.
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter Amy, @Jack27. It sounds like you were hoping for answers from the report, but that even if it had them, as you say, it would never bring her back to you. It’s completely understandable that you are struggling, and you are not alone.
I wondered if you and your husband had considered bereavement counselling? Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
They have a UK National helpline on 0345 123 2304 from 10.00 - 16:00 and 19:00 - 22:00 (they are open every day of the year), alternatively you can email them on at helpline@tcf.org.uk.
There will never be answers. We all think if only we knew why, somehow it would make things easier to cope. This just isnt the case. My son was killed in a car accident almost 11 yrs ago. His friend was in the car behind him and i got the call from him saying there had been an accident my son was unconcious, the ambulance was on its way and they was not a mark on my son. On arrival at hospital i was immediately taken to the little side room and told it did not look good. Many, many hours later after a surgery to remove his spleen. He was still unconscious and they decided they would take him for a scan. However he never made it to the scan. His heart stopped. After waiting for weeks and was refused a copy of the post mortem my GP gave me the details. It was the opinion of the doctor performing the post mortem that he had actually died on impact as his neck was broken at his brain stem. I had comforted myself all those weeks by telling myself at least i was there all those hours with him and that he would know that on some level. I was utterly devastated and to be honest still am. He was 18 and driving to work when he was hit by a truck. I feel guilty every day that i wasn’t there when he “died” officially. I asked the ICU nurses if i could bath him as i gave him his first so wanted to give him his last. I washed the gel out of his hair and spoke to him the whole time. When his body was released i went to the undertakers with his gel and did his hair for him.
All we can do is take what little comfort we can find in any of these small things and try our best to ignore some of unanswered questions we have.
Love and hugs
Pauline
Hi Jack
Just take it minute by minute. We all struggle. So please continue to reach out for help, there is a large community here that r able to help and support u.
I am very sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking that ur daughter was the 1 to find her sister. I am here for u anytime u want to talk. This awful club we r members of as bereaved parents is the worst ever. U spend all ur time making sure others r getting thru their grief that u don’t really think of yourself. It took me almost 6 yrs b4 i started to contemplate my own grief.
Love and hugs💜
Pauline x
Feel free to share as little or as much as u like when u r struggling. Just know that we all have those times and there is no judgement here. U do whatever u can to get thru those hard days.
Love and hugs
Pauline
