It’s six months since my husband died and it’s been the hardest time of my life.
But I’ve got up every day, gone to work, taken exercise, looked after myself.
I’m very alone, lots of long distance friends but nobody close by.
When Robbie first died, i spoke regularly to one of the Sue Ryder family liaison counsellors. It was just a weekly telephone call and I didn’t really find it terribly helpful and stopped after a month or so.
Six months down the line, I still here, still desperately sad and finding it harder and harder to do anything or see any point in anything.
Does anyone out there have any experience of counselling? What exactly is it? What I had before consisted mainly of a conversation about my week. I know it’s not helpful for everyone but I would be interested in other people’s opinions and experiences. I’m wondering if I should have another go, if it would make any difference.
Dear @Auntie
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.
Sometimes we are not ready for Counselling but give it a try anyway. I certainly would give Counselling another go to see if it does make a difference six months on. Have you considered the free online counselling service Sue Ryder provides here.
Alternatively you could make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to Counselling or other support services in your area.
You could try contacting Cruse Bereavement to see if they have any local support groups you could join.
Please continue to reach out and take care.
Pepsi
Thanks Pepsi
I didn’t know Sue Ryder had online counseling. If I do it, I’m considering asking a local hospice who provide counseling services. I think I might be better face to face rather than online. I have great difficulty talking about Robbie and what happened without crying - in fact it’s impossible. It makes life difficult when someone simply asks if I’m married and I start crying! So I thought if I could talk to someone regularly, I might get used to it.
Have you ever had counselling yourself? Did it help?
Dear @Auntie
I would contact your local hospice and see how they can help you. There is also NHS counselling where you talk to a therapist face to face or in a group.
I have not had Counselling myself but know of friends who have and it did help them alot. This was pre-Covid days and in group and face to face sessions. You can connect with other members who have had Counselling under the topic Counselling. here.
Please continue to reach out. Take care.
Pepsi
Hi. I am like yourself. I waited six months for counselling and a lady rings me every Thursday at 12.20. I have just realised that is today. I don’t see the point. I feel she is just ticking boxes. Apparently after she asks me a list of questions one being have I ever thought of killing myself, which I have on a few occasions been less than truthful she then said your anxiety score has gone from 17 to 6. I don’t find that helpful. She just seems to say oh that must have been awful and then there are silences. I feel like not speaking to her but then my GP who referred me would think I am not making the effort. I went on line and found a psychotherapist who is more constructive and has a kind voice. She talks to me and then also gives me advice and guidance. She sent me some mindfulness techniques which I will try and some anxiety tips. I have a further three sessions with the counsellor whereupon she will probably tell me my anxiety score is nil. Does that mean I’m cured. I don’t know if she has had training but she definitely isn’t for me x
Thanks for sharing Nel - your experience is pretty much what it was like for me earlier on. If this lady isn’t working for you, don’t feel shy about putting a stop to it, don’t worry about what anyone is going to say - and you obviously are trying hard, you found a psychotherapist by yourself. It’s not really a question of effort, just what you feel is right for you. Perhaps another counsellor would be better - that’s my dilemma, it didn’t help me before and I am not sure if I want to try again.
I do yoga and meditation every day and I think it helps so do try the mindfulness exercises - but it takes time. And I suppose that’s exactly what we’ve all got.
I’ve decided that for now I’m going to concentrate on being positive, confident and maybe happy.
Thanks again for your comments, let me know how you get on. Jo
Hi Auntie. I retired at 58 to look after my husband and nine months later he died of cardiac arrest. Since then I have clawed my way through each day with tears and anxiety chasing me every step of the way. It’s so lonely and although it’s been ten months I still feel nowhere near ready to go out into the world and work. I’ve thought of volunteering but I feel I would just cry all over them. My secure feeling and life as I know it just vanished in seconds. I don’t know how to get through this life without him. X
Thanks for sharing Nel - your experience is pretty much what it was like for me earlier on. If this lady isn’t working for you, don’t feel shy about putting a stop to it, don’t worry about what anyone is going to say - and you obviously are trying hard, you found a psychotherapist by yourself. It’s not really a question of effort, just what you feel is right for you. Perhaps another counsellor would be better - that’s my dilemma, it didn’t help me before and I am not sure if I want to try again.
I do yoga and meditation every day and I think it helps so do try the mindfulness exercises - but it takes time. And I suppose that’s exactly what we’ve all got.
I’ve decided that for now I’m going to concentrate on being positive, confident and maybe happy.
Thanks again for your comments, let me know how you get on. Jo