Well I’ve just had my first session with a very nice lady,sadly after the first few minutes of questions the steel door slammed shut,I don’t know if it’s because of my military background,but I ended up saying,ime ok,ime coping,none of which is true,I could only ever open up to my wife,same time next week she said,I don’t think so under my breath.
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I think the first time is really difficult… not knowing what to expect.
I felt really uncomfortable the first couple times, I’m now approaching the end of my sessions and I’m pleased I’ve had a safe space to dump my thoughts. I’m exhausted after the sessions but also feel a tiny sense of relief at having left some of my chaos with someone else.
Maybe give it one more go…?
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Well done for even making it to the first session @Ron11 - sharing your feelings with a stranger when you are in pain is tough - it makes you feel vulnerable. But i would encourage you to at least give it a couple more sessions. It may not be the right thing for you, or it may just not be the right time, but its hard to judge from just one session - it takes a while to build some trust between you. There are advantages in speaking to a stranger instead of family/friends - you can be brutally honest about how you’re feeling without fear of overburdening /worrying them. Why not be honest and tell her that it makes you feel awkward, and you can feel the shutters coming down? Im sure she’s probably had plenty other clients who have been the same! In the meantime, are you talking/writing to your wife? You can still tell her how you’re feeling, sometimes putting it down in a letter can be helpful, because its allowing your feelings to flow 
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counseling can take time. if you shut that door, she doesn’t suffer. you might. I have been thinking a lot about emotions and where they lead us, identifying them to see what they’re up to. anger, shame, hate, indifference. we need them too but they are something to be wary of.