My wife passed suddenly 9 weeks ago and I have struggled to cope, I asked for counselling but I was declined because they said it was too soon, surely that can’t be right as I need help now not sometime in the future
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Hi @Pete72,
I can understand how frustrating and disappointing it may feel to be declined when you have been brave in reaching out.
Not offering counselling immediately after a bereavement is standard practice in all specialist bereavement counselling services as this enables people to find their own way to grieve and to seek professional help later if they are finding that difficult, which research has found to be the most effective approach. Different organisations have different timescales, so it might be worth getting in touch with another one, or reapplying when the timescale is up.
In the meantime, you can speak to a grief counsellor online on the AtALoss website. Their live chat feature is open Monday-Friday, 9am - 9pm.
If you need urgent mental health support, you can call 111 then press option 2. They can talk you through what you’re going through and help you find support.
Take care,
Seaneen
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Hi Pete72
It’s almost 7 weeks since I lost my dear husband Ray to pancreatic cancer, after only 8 weeks. I had my first counselling session today with our local cancer support group. They leave it up to yourself to k ow when you feel ready to have counselling. I found it very helpful, as I have huge trauma around the suffering he endured in hospital and the fact that he couldn’t discuss the diagnosis with me. Also some family members acted appallingly after he passed, staying in the room and not allowing me to spend time with him after he passed. She helped me to see things more clearly. I hope to go again in a couple of weeks. I hope you can see someone or even speak on the phone as it does help, even though it’s early days in this new horrid life we find ourselves in. Best wishes to you and take good care x
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It should never be to soon to have counselling l would say the sooner the better lm hoping to go soon lm taking tablets the doctor give to me but there not doing anything
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My husband passed extremely suddenly back in January. He was 65, I am 60 . We were then off on holiday.
I tried counseling through the NHS at first, can barely remember it as I think I was in so much shock those first few months. I then referred myself to Talking Therapies, anyone can self refer and I had a chat with them.
I am now nearly 11 months later , having counseling with Cruse via zoom. I was on the waiting list for months, but I think it is really helpful as I know I have buried those last traumatic moments deep within myself and am now confronting them. I was with my husband when he died, we were just walking along.
Am sorry you are all going through this. I am now much clearer in my head, obviously sad, but I have coped with a lot this year and you just have to take a moment, and a day at a time. Xx
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I will have to try something l cant GP on the way l am at the moment join this group but lm not so good getting around on here
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I am sorry @Dia I do know how awful it is , especially in those early days. I can barely remember them. Maybe you could ask your Doctor about Talking Therapies. There is also a local bereavement group run by my local library, yours may have one. I haven’t done it, but I know of people on here who have called the Samaritans tel number 116 123 , any time of the day or night for support , just to know some one is there x
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Thank you so much
You are welcome. Sending you thoughts and hugs xxx
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful man 4 months ago. I spent all day yesterday crying while I was waiting for an assessment for talking therapy, I was crying because I was so relieved I might actually get some much needed help but straight away she said they don’t deal with grief unless you are over a year & still feel depressed or suicidal. I was devastated because I had filled the forms in & explained my reason for wanting talking therapy & they let me waste a month waiting for help when they should have just told me they could not help. I’m am desperate to talk to someone but everything is online, I want a real person to talk to 
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Exactly l feel the same way l want to talk to someone my doctor sent me to a group a week ago l thought there would have been someone there to talk and help but there was 3 people in there one man dressed as a woman not that l have anything against it just didn’t expect that he was talking to a lady there and one other girl who asked me to sign a form then give me plastersine to make a shape with and she was giggling l was there 5 min
Bless you, it’s sounds like a comic strip not a therapy session
I did go to a group grief counselling course about 2 months in but it was way too early I feel for me. I just cried the whole time I was there although it was nice to know that you were not alone in your grief (not that I would wish it on my worst enemy) at least it was run by real people & not just online 
There just doesn’t seem to be the help we need out there at such an horrendous time
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Exactly my doctor rang me this morning to see how lm getting on with the tablets he give me and how l gone on up there and l said l wouldn’t sent anyone up there
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